BH-7137  A New Sex Report On Anal Wives
by Jack Benjamin


INTRODUCTION 

"I don't remember the first time that Don asked me to let him, well, put his 
penis in my asshole and finish his orgasm that way, but it was within six 
months after we were married. But I held off for almost ten years, even 
though I knew that it was driving him farther and farther away. I knew he 
was going to cheap girls-bar girls and whores-but I couldn't do anything 
about it. I just couldn't let him put his cock in my asshole. "I don't 
really know why I felt like I did about it, but to me, it was 
perverted-unnatural and dirty. If I had let him, it would have made me no 
better than a damned dog that holds still while another male dog does it to 
him in the ass. And besides, I gave Don everything else in the world that he 
would want, sexually and in all ways. I was a good mother, a good 
housekeeper, and, yes-a good bed partner. 

"When he was drunk was when it was the worst. He always wanted two things 
when he had too much to drink: to be sucked off, and then to have me allow 
him to ass-screw me! I went for the sucking part-I never minded that. We 
often liked to mutually suck each other off- you know, the 'sixty-nine' 
position. It was always okay as long as he wasn't half loaded. 

"When he would try to shove it up my bung-hole, I would fight or I'd run 
into the bathroom and lock the door. It's a wonder he didn't try to break it 
down sometimes, but he was usually too drunk. He'd just stand outside the 
door and call me filthy names until he got tired, and the next thing I knew, 
I'd hear him snoring. I'd sleep on the couch in the living room and the next 
morning he'd be all right. He usually apologized for being 'an animal,' and 
he'd promise not to try it again-but he always did, sooner or later. 

"Finally, I got drunk one night-which is unusual for me. He gave a birthday 
party for me, and I had so much fun that I didn't realize how much I had 
poured down. After the guests left, Don had to put me to bed. I was vaguely 
conscious of him taking all my clothes off, but I was too zonked to really 
care what he was doing. For some reason-maybe on purpose-he had played host 
that night, and he didn't have much to drink, so when he put me into bed, he 
was in good shape while I was like a limp dish-rag. 

"I was asleep the second my head hit the pillow. I remember waking up enough 
to realize that Don was licking my asshole and sticking his tongue up inside 
it as far as he could reach. It wasn't doing anything for me, and I just 
passed out cold. I must have only been out for a few minutes, because when I 
came to again, Don's weight was making it hard for me to breathe. Then, as I 
cleared my head some, I realized that he had shoved his cock way up inside 
my asshole, and he was pumping away and groaning with pleasure. I don't know 
what I was thinking. It hurt a lot, yet it awakened some sort of sex desire 
in me. But I was too groggy to really feel anything. I passed out again when 
he shot his load up my ass, and I don't know how many times he had me that 
way. 

"Next morning, my asshole was sore and my whole bottom ached. But more 
important, I was so mad at Don that I decided I was going to leave him. I 
sat down in the kitchen and wouldn't make his breakfast, and I told him I 
wanted to talk about it, right then. 

"I told him I thought he was sick-a sex pervert-any man that would want to 
go around asshole-screwing like a damned dog had to be a mental case. Don 
tried to apologize, and said he had been drunk, but I kept pouring it on. I 
also raked him over the coals for taking advantage of my being drunk, when 
he knew damned well that I had always hated the thought of anal intercourse. 

"Then he began to cry. Not the 'contrite husband' bit, but real, deep down 
crying, as if his heart would break. I sensed, somehow, that I had better 
back off, or my marriage really might end right then and there. I cooled off 
and went over and put my hands on his shoulders, feeling his whole body 
shake with the deep sobs that were racking it. I rumpled his hair and said, 
'Let's forget it, Don. We were both pretty loaded last night. Shall we?' "He 
kept sobbing, and he shook his head and managed to say, 'I can't. I just 
can't. I need help-not from you-from a doctor or a head-shrinker!' "I almost 
fainted with shock. Don was one of those men who felt that anything goes in 
a private bedroom, and moreover, he thought that anyone who sought help from 
a psychiatrist was an utter, contemptible weakling! And here he was, saying 
he needed the help of a psychiatrist. I felt terrible. I must have laid it 
on way too thick-blown the whole thing far out of proportion, if I had made 
a sobbing weakling out of my roughneck husband, Don. 

"I felt ashamed. Thinking back on what I had heard other women say about 
having that done to them, it couldn't be all that bad. I was making too big 
an issue of it. Our sex life was good, and I was putting it on the line just 
because of a prudish idea. 

"I put my arms around Don and lifted his head, but he wouldn't look me in 
the eyes. I coaxed, 'Come on, let's forget it, honey. We'll work it out. 
I've been a bastard about it, but I'll try-honest I will. If it's important 
to you, it is to me, too. Now-let's forget it. I'll fix some bacon and 
eggs.' "I started to get the things, but he put out a hand and held onto my 
wrist. 'No, we've got to face it now. I have to tell you why I want it that 
way, or I'll really go nuts.' He was so serious that I was a little scared 
and I sat down across the breakfast table from him. He had put on some 
coffee and we both had cups of half-cold coffee in front of us. I got up and 
poured some hotter coffee in each cup, then sat down again. I could see that 
Don was struggling. He didn't look at me, and he fiddled with his coffee 
cup. He had stopped crying, but his face looked bleak. Finally he said, 
'Norma, I-I think I'm a homosexual!' "I gasped, but I couldn't say anything 
about it. It had numbed my thinking processes. 

" 'I have to talk about it. I just have to get it out of my system, and I 
don't think I can go to a headshrinker,' he said. I could see that he now 
had control of himself, and I fought back my own mounting fear and, I admit, 
disgust, and sipped at my coffee, letting him make his own way through the 
jungle of seething thoughts. 

"Don said, looking straight at me, 'When I was in the Army, in Korea, I did 
that to a lot of guys-and-' I knew what he was going to say, and I hated to 
hear it. '-and I let a couple of guys do it to me!' "It was out in the 
daylight! I was married to a queer! That's all I could think about. I felt 
sorry-not for Don, but for myself. Married to a homosexual! Next, he would 
be telling me that he had sucked cocks and had other men suck his! I was 
bewildered and scared. Ten years of marriage down the drain!" 

Anal intercourse is as old as history, and has always been associated with 
homosexuality in males. It has been recorded in all races and at all times 
in history, under such names as pederasty, cornholing (the gutter term), 
and, of course, the Biblical version, sodomy. The Biblical term comes from 
the name of one of the two wickedest and most perverted cities in recorded 
history: Sodom and Gomorrah, destroyed by consuming fire when Yahweh became 
utterly displeased with the sexual perversions that had become a way of life 
in those cities. 

Sodomy, of course, means simply the insertion of the male penis into the 
anus of another person, and that person can be either male or female. When 
this sexual aberration involes a human male inserting his penis into the 
anus of an animal, it is usually referred to as bestiality, although 
bestiality can involve a male entering the vagina of the an animal, or a 
male animal having intercourse with a female. 

From serious studies that have been made on the subject of homosexuality in 
the past few decades, we have learned that male homosexuals engage in anal 
intercourse almost as frequently as they engage in oral-genital sex. The 
mouth and the anus are the two logical entry points for the male penis in 
sex relations with another male, and therefore anal and, to a lesser degree, 
oral sex have become more commonly associated with male homosexuality than 
with heterosexual partners. 

However, casebooks of marriage counselors and psychiatrists reveal that a 
startlingly large number of males who are not homosexuals, per se, do like 
to engage in anal intercourse with females. In many instances, prostitutes 
tell of married men who come to them for sex, and they invariably want oral 
sex and/or anal intercourse. The reason: either their wives are too prudish 
to engage in either of these forms of sex, or the men are too worshipful of 
them, placing them on a pedestal of perfection, and so they haven't the 
nerve to request such intercourse from their wives. 

However, there are a great number of couples who indulge in anal 
intercourse, and for a variety of reasons. Several women have admitted to 
their doctors that during menstruation they usually bring their husbands to 
climax orally (fellatio) or they allow the husband to engage in anal 
intercourse. But it is not this occasional indulgence that intrigues 
scientists and psychiatrists, because it is engendered by expediency. 

When a male prefers constant anal intercourse, substituting it for all other 
forms, it is a different story. The act then becomes one of perversion, not 
diversion, and the marriage is almost always in danger of breakup. It takes 
a very understanding woman to cope with a husband who desires anal 
intercourse, simply because it is an unsatisfactory sex experience for most 
women, if not a downright painful one. 

But the worst damage that results from unde-sired anal intercourse is the 
mental scars-the "guilt" feelings that build in many minds. 

Part of this, of course, is based on religious teachings. The Apostle Paul, 
writing to the citizens of Corinth, points out that they had almost 
completely forsaken normal man-woman relations in sex and had turned to all 
sorts of perversions involving oral-genital sex, homosexuality, bestiality, 
and, of course, sodomy. 

In this book, we shall attempt to explore some of the reasons why couples 
engage in anal intercourse to an abnormal degree. We hope that it will throw 
more light on this rather common sex practice, which is little understood or 
discussed, or studied scientifically. 

It might be fair to state that in almost all cases, anal intercourse is 
engaged in because of fear, either on the part of the husband or the wife. 
We shall continue with the case of Norma and Don, who appeared in the 
opening passages, for he is an excellent example of a man who has succumbed 
to the latent homosexuality that is present in each of us, and whose fear of 
becoming an overt homosexual led him to repeated attempts to sodomize his 
wife, which ultimately almost ended his marriage. 

Norma's account of her husband's strange and fearful behavior is continued 
in the first chapter. 

 CHAPTER ONE 

THE HOMOSEXUAL SYNDROME "I just sat there at the table, staring at Don. He 
still didn't look at me, but I could tell by his fidgeting that he wanted to 
talk more about it. My Don, a homosexual! I couldn't think of anything else. 
I wasn't even being rational, because I knew that since we had been married, 
there couldn't have been any homosexual activities on his part. We were just 
too much together, in everything we did. He was a sports fan, loved hunting, 
fishing, camping-and I was always with him. He was a real 'man's man,' in 
every sense of the word. Now, the term tasted bitter in my mouth, thinking 
of him letting another man put his prick in Don's asshole, and ass-fucking 
him. I felt as if Don had just confessed that he had been having sex with 
another woman-a cheap whore-yet there was more to it than that. I know that 
I was being selfish, but at the moment, I was too stunned to think straight. 

"I managed to grind out, 'You mean... you... you're a homosexual? You prefer 
sex with men instead of with me?' "Don raised his head and pleaded with me 
with his eyes to understand and to help. 'No!' he exploded, 'I'm not a 
queer! I'm not at home. It was different in Korea. There weren't any women 
around!' " 'But, you could let a man put his cock up inside your asshole and 
screw you until he came?' I couldn't even imagine such a nightmarish thing 
happening. 

"Don said sincerely, 'Not that it excuses it, but I was pretty drunk both 
times it happened. I... I can't excuse myself that easy when I let guys suck 
me off, or when I... I screwed themin the ass. It happened, that's all. It 
happened to a lot of guys, but I swear to God, Norma, I've never even 
thought about sex with a man since we've been married-nor with another 
woman, for that matter. I swear it to you!' "I believed him and suddenly, I 
pitied him in an odd way. He had had this hangup for all the years of our 
marriage and I had been adding to his torment by refusing to allow him to 
have me that way. True, I had sucked his cock, but looking back, I was 
positive that I had never done it alone-I mean, we had always done it to 
each other at the same time. Somehow, in my muddled mind, that seemed 
important right then. I guess I was grasping at any straw that would 
disprove his being a homosexual. 

"Don looked so forlorn. I wanted to suggest that we talk to a doctor or a 
psychiatrist, but I just didn't want to set up any barriers between as 
now-we were already too close to the breaking point, and he had always 
scoffed at head-shrinkers. 

"I began to look at it from my point of view. I asked myself questions. Had 
it really been so bad? Had it hurt me? Did I feel dirty, ashamed, or abused? 
I really had to answer no to all of them, but it bothered me that I had been 
drunk, because I wouldn't have reacted the same if I'd been sober. 

" 'Let's try it when we're both sober, Don. If it is good for both of us, 
then we'll just keep doing it from time to time.' It was a fair offer, I 
thought. Don raised his head and looked surprised. 'You mean it, Norma?' he 
asked. I nodded. 

"Then a cloud came over his face and he hung his head again, like a whipped 
schoolboy. I sighed and asked, 'Now what's the matter?' "He looked up at me 
and asked, 'But what if... if I want it that way all the time?' "I decided 
to face the truth. I said, 'Then there's something definitely haywire. 
You'll have to go to a... a doctor... a psychiatrist.' "Don frowned over 
this, and looked thoughtfully at me. 'I suppose you're right,' he conceded, 
'although I doubt if that would help. I wouldn't be able to talk about 
anything like that to anyone-except you. Not to any strangers. I'm 
positive.' "I said, 'Then let's start to work it out, right now.' "Don 
looked stunned. 'Now? In the morning?' he asked. 

" 'Now, while we've got the door open. We've kept this thing covered much 
too long. If we don't resolve it pretty soon, we're going to find ourselves 
looking for other bed partners.' "He thought about that for a moment. I knew 
that after a big drinking session, Don was always horny the next 
morning-every time he had a hangover-if it happened to be on a Saturday or 
Sunday morning, when he could take the time to play around, and this was 
Sunday. 

"He began to smile, and I think I knew in my heart that we were going to be 
able to lick our problem. I know I felt I could take any original pain from 
anal intercourse, knowing it might mean the salvaging of my marriage. I 
headed upstairs and into the shower, and Don came up soon after that. We 
often liked to shower together, and we usually played around with each 
other, so that by the time we were dried off, we were ready for some real 
sex. Don stepped into the shower and began to rub my naked body with soap. 
As it always did, his touch on my intimate parts brought me to a peak of 
desire. My nipples distended and got hard, and I could feel the warm juices 
begin to flow inside my pussy. 

"Don's prick began to get hard as soon as he soaped in between the cracks of 
my ass, touching my asshole, but not penetrating it with his finger. All the 
hurt that he had left there last light seemed to float away down the drain 
with the soapsuds. I began to glow with passion- with desire to have Don do 
anything he wanted to do. I backed up to him, so that his slippery, soapy 
cock slid in between the crack of my ass. The head of it was poised at my 
asshole, and I backed up slowly, until he was against the shower wall, and 
could go no further. He had grasped my hips and now he began to push slowly, 
letting his cock inch into my brown hole, until, finally, it was sliding in 
and out smoothly. He took his hands off my hips and ran them around my body, 
clutching both my breasts in either hand, playing with the hard nipples, 
massaging the soft, warm flesh until our whole beings seemed to be blending 
into one. 

"I didn't feel any pain-only gladness, as I could sense how passionately 
fulfilled Don was. I took one of his hands off my breast and put it down by 
my cunt. He knew what I wanted, and he began to use his finger to massage my 
clitoris. I was thrilled and startled by the completeness of our contact: 
his fingers kneading my breast, his other hand masturbating me wonderfully, 
and his hard, throbbing prick driving deep into my asshole! I was actually 
enjoying sex in a way that I'd never done before! I almost wanted to curse 
myself for having been a fool all those years, and depriving Don of the joys 
that anal sex brought to him, too. 

"I moved my hips to meet his lunging cock as I felt it begin to speed up and 
plunge deeper into my bum-hole! Don matched my lunges backward with the 
rhythm of his finger on my clit, and as I felt his hot semen squirting into 
my asshole, deep and ooozy, I exploded in orgasm from his masturbating me! 

"He pulled his cock out quickly and turned me around and began to kiss me, 
water dripping down our faces and bodies. We felt each other's organs, dug 
our nails into each other's backs, tongue-kissed and writhed, until he 
finally reached down and inserted his stiff prick into my cunt, and began to 
drive it in, hard and fast. We both came within a minute, and when we did, 
we just stood there holding each other, laughing like a couple of kids who 
had put over a fast one on their parents. 

"There was adoration, almost worship, in Don's eyes as he dried me off. 
There was no need for words-it had been too perfect to spoil with silly 
words, and we both still glowed inside and out from the experience. "I was 
so fulfilled and happy that I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep again, 
and that's just what we both did. We slept like babies, until after noon, 
and when I awoke and felt Don's limp hand on my breast, I just couldn't 
resist the temptation-I crawled down and took his soft cock in my mouth, 
sucking and licking it, feeling it grow harder and harder, until I knew he 
was awake. He lifted up on his elbows and looked down at his cock being 
gobbled hungrily by me, and I saw that adoration again. 

"I took his balls in one hand and gently massaged them, letting his cock 
slip deep into my throat, sucking it gently until I could tell by the 
quickening throbs that Don was going to come. When I felt his juices squirt 
into my mouth, I almost came again; I felt so needed, so wanted, so capable 
of giving my man any kind of loving! 

"I swallowed it all, then licked the last drops from his prick-head, and 
then I just lay there, my head on his softening cock, my hand clinging to 
his strong legs, feeling that we had just climbed a steep mountain, and the 
view from the peak was glorious! 

"I was in a fool's paradise, but of course, couldn't know that then. It was 
another six months before I found that I was sharing Do with another sex 
partner-and that that sex partner was a man! 

"I thought that everything was going along fine. When Don wanted to have 
anal intercourse we used vaseline, or else we repeated the soap shower bit, 
and it no longer hurt me to take his cock up inside my asshole. In fact, I 
had never been happier in my married life than I was at that time. Oddly, 
when Don could have me this way, and I would suck him off without the 
'sixty-nine' position, he stopped drinking so heavily. When we'd go out, 
he'd have just enough to loosen him up, and he could be charming when he was 
in a happy, glowing mood. Then when we went home to bed, he was extra 
passionate. 

"The roof fell in one night when we had a party at our house. Everybody had 
dates, but all of them weren't married. Two of the fellows that worked with 
Don were bachelors, but we had arranged dates for them, and for another 
older lady friend of mine, so that we were all paired off. We danced, told 
dirty jokes, kidded and had a lot of fun-for a couple of hours. I noticed 
that Don was getting very drunk, and that he was ignoring most of the 
guests, standing out in the patio, with his arm over Doug's shoulder-Doug is 
one of the young bachelors-smiling and waving his drink crazily. 

"The next thing I knew, they were gone. I didn't think much of it until a 
half-hour went by, and then I walked out to find them. I wish to God I 
hadn't! 

"They were out in the garage, where Don had a workshop. He had put a 
refrigerator in, and kept cold beer there, and he'd disappear for hours 
sometimes, puttering around with his hobby-building cabinets, end tables, 
knickknack shelves, things like that. 

"I saw that the light was on, and I went in through the side door. I can't 
tell you the feeling of utter disgust that swept over me like a giant wave 
when I saw Don and Doug. Don was down on his knees. Doug had his pants down 
around his ankles, but not off, and he was holding the back of Don's head 
with both hands, while Don was sucking Doug's cock! As if that weren't bad 
enough, he was moaning and groaning with the pleasure, as Doug's big, hard 
prick went in and out of his mouth, deep enough so that Don's lips were 
almost touching Doug's pubic hair at the culmination of every lunge of 
Doug's prick into his throat. 

"They didn't see me as I stepped in. I froze, and I felt numb, as I just 
watched them. I had come in just as Doug was about to come in Don's mouth. 
His movements were speeding up and Don was gulping in his cock as if he had 
never enjoyed anything so much in his life! As I saw Doug's ass and hips 
begin to jerk rapidly back and forth, and saw the look on his face and the 
way he pulled Don's face closer so his cock would go even deeper, I watched 
Don's swallowing motions. His eyes were closed. He clutched Doug's ass 
tightly, and he was moaning in a low, animallike way. When Doug stopped 
jerking, Don opened his eyes and carefully licked off every drop of his own 
spittle, mixed with droplets of the white, milky jism from Doug's cock. 

"I guess it was the look of serenity and satisfaction on Don's face that 
threw me even more than the fact that he was a cocksucker-a queer-a fag! I'm 
not a dumbbell. I read a lot of psychology, and I know about the imbalance 
in some persons that causes them to be homosexuals, lesbians, and even 
bisexuals-which is what Don was, beyond a doubt. But I had never seen that 
look on his face-that glow in his eyes-when he was having sex with me, in 
any form! 

"Then Doug spotted me, and the look of triumph on his face snapped me out of 
my shock and into a rage! I guess it's natural to try to excuse someone you 
love and to blame the other party involved, but all I could think of at the 
moment was what a filthy sonofabitch Doug was! I screamed at him, 'You 
rotten fag! Aren't there enough queers walking the streets and hanging 
around in fag bars? You have to pick on a married man? You filthy bastard! 
Get your cock back in your pants or, so help me God, I'll take a fucking 
bread knife and cut it off, you lousy, no-good cocksucker!' "When I said 
that word-cocksucker-I suddenly remembered that Don was one, also. Don was 
still on his knees, looking dumbly over at me as if he couldn't even move or 
talk. 

"Doug looked down at him with contempt, then back at me as he pulled up his 
pants and zipped his zipper and fastened his belt. Then the bastard had the 
guts to say to me, 'Don't get so high and mighty, lady. If you were giving 
him what he needed, he wouldn't want what I've got-so don't blow off your 
filthy mouth to me!' "I sputtered, I was so mad. The words wouldn't come. I 
grabbed a hammer that was hanging on two nails in the wall, and threw it! 
Doug ducked away and laughed a nasty laugh when he rushed by me and out the 
door! I just stood there, trembling, the tears of frustration coming, and I 
looked at my husband. He was a pitiful sight. His eyes were hazed with 
bewilderment and drink, and his mouth sagged open in awe at my towering 
rage. Then I began to bawl. I just leaned against the wall, my head on my 
arm, and I let it all go. 

"Don got up and left, without touching me or saying a word. I heard his 
staggering footsteps, and then I heard him slam the back door of the house. 
Pretty soon, I heard the cars start up and drive away. I don't know how long 
it took me to cry myself out, but when I went into the house, the tears were 
all over. I think that maybe I cried away all the love I ever had for Don in 
that half hour or so. I felt cold, lifeless, dead inside. 

"I know now that it was my ego that had been destroyed, not my love. I felt 
that I wasn't a woman at all. I felt like a nothing-a big, fat zero! All I 
could think of was that there wasn't enough sexual attractiveness, enough 
woman in me to keep my husband from running to a cock-sucker, begging to be 
cornholed and face-fucked! 

"Don was in the bathroom. I could hear the shower running. I wandered 
around, nervously trying to think what I could say to him, if I had the 
courage to even face him again. I finally came to a decision. I went into 
the closet and got out two suitcases and began to pack Don's clothes, enough 
to get him by until he could come back and clear out everything. I couldn't 
live with a queer! I could never again take his cock in my mouth, or inside 
my body, and especially-never let him put it up my ass. I'd been kidding 
myself for a long time-years, and now it all added up to one thing: Don was 
queer, and I was still a woman, one who needed love and sex and all the 
things that I could never share with another woman, much less a bastard of a 
fag like Doug, or any other queer. 

"Don walked in and stood there staring at me. He had sobered up a lot, but 
the second he saw me, he reddened and acted like a whipped mongrel. 

"He managed to stammer, 'What are you doing?' I just glared at him, wanting 
him to see all the contempt I was feeling. 

"I said, 'I'm packing. I want you out of here-tonight!' "I could almost see 
him shrivel. He whined, 'Norma, honey... listen... please... I was drunk... 
"I snapped, 'Yes, and you always used that as an excuse when you tried to 
cornhole me, too! What difference does it make to a fag? Drunk, sober, 
in-between-a queer is still a queer. I hope you and your cock-sucking 
friends will be happy together. All I want is you out of my sight, you 
rotten cocksucker!' "It was pretty raw language for me, but I felt raw 
inside. I felt as if someone had spread my naked womanhood in the gutter and 
pissed on it. I wanted to hurt him-to cut him up inside. 

"He walked toward me, a towel wrapped around his waist. It gaped open at the 
front, and I could see his limp prick hanging out, swaying a little as he 
walked toward me and it made me feel as if I would throw up. When he stopped 
in front of me and reached out to try to touch my shoulder, I swung as hard 
as I could. My slap caught him across the mouth and brought on blood, and it 
made me feel good. 

"I screamed, 'Get out, you fucking fag!' and I stormed out of the room. I 
got the car out of the driveway and drove-I don't even remember where-but I 
drove for almost two hours before I calmed down and came to my senses. I 
drove home, and the house was dark. The suitcases were gone, and so was Don. 
In spite of the disgust that still boiled inside me, I cried myself to 
sleep-not because I missed Don, but because I'd been made a fool of. I had 
finally given in to his demands for anal intercourse, and then I'd found 
that I was playing second fiddle to a fag-maybe to several of them! I felt 
dirty, degraded and used, and I didn't feel too much different about it in 
the morning. 

"I called up my old boss. I still worked for him when one of the girls was 
out sick-I'm a secretary-or when a girl was on vacation or something like 
that, and he told me that I could come back to work, but that he thought I 
should wait a few days and get hold of myself. I didn't tell him the whole 
story--just that Don had moved out and I needed a job. 

"But Don surprised me. I got a phone call from a Dr. W-, a psychiatrist. He 
asked me if I would be willing to talk with him! Me! It wasn't me that 
needed a headshrinker, it was my husband, Don! I told him just that, and he 
replied that Don was in his office at that time, and had requested the call. 
Dr. W-wanted to talk to both of us together, before he began psychotherapy 
with Don! 

"I couldn't figure it out. I resented it at first, but then I began to 
reason a bit. If he was willing to go to a psychiatrist, the way he felt 
about them, I felt I should at least cooperate. It might give Don a 
chance-not with me, I was positive-but perhaps with another woman. 

"I called W-and told him I would talk to him alone, but not with Don 
present, and he agreed. I went to his office the next morning, and was I in 
for a surprise! It was me that the doctor wanted to talk to-about my 
reactions to the scene between Don and Doug. Doug had told him all about it, 
but had insisted that he loved me, only me, and that it was only when he had 
too much to drink that he succumbed to the homosexuality that was inside 
him. 

"I talked a long time with W-. He said that it was obvious that my Don was a 
bisexual, but that, from the preliminary talks he had had with Don, he was 
certain that Don was sincere in his profession of love for me and for 
heterosexual relations. He ended up by asking me if I were willing to take 
Don back on trial-on the condition that Don quit drinking! 

"I hadn't really thought much of Don's whin- ing about being drunk when he 
felt he had to cornhole someone-almost anyone, male or female, it had seemed 
to me. But the psychiatrist seemed to think that, with my help, Don could 
suppress and eventually eliminate almost all his homosexual desires. 

"I made a clean breast of it to him about me allowing Don to have anal 
intercourse with me, in the morning, when we were both cold sober. Instead 
of discouraging him, it seemed to make Dr. W- all the more confident that if 
I could accept occasional anal intercourse it would completely satisfy the 
latent homosexuality that was still buried in Don-it is in all of us, for 
that matter. I told the doctor that I'd have to have time to do some 
thinking-some real soul-searching. I was honest with him and I tried to be 
honest with myself. I didn't know if I could ever again care for Don, much 
less love him or have intercourse of any kind with him. 

"He asked me to let him know in a week, and I said I would have my answer 
then. I went to work the following Monday, and the very first day on the 
job, my old boss asked me for a date! It made me angry, in a way. It was as 
if a separation or divorce was a red flag to all the wolves in the world! 
Come on, baby-I know you're all broken in and used to fucking, so why 
deprive yourself and me of all that fun! Of course, Ed didn't use those 
words, but that was the general idea. I could tell by the way he eyed me up 
and down, and the way he put his arm around me and kissed me when I walked 
into his private office. 

"I was still in a muddle about whether to try Dr. W-'s experiment with Don. 
It was myself that I was unsure of. I didn't know if I could control myself, 
or keep from spitting in Don's face, or throwing up if he touched me 
physically. But I didn't want any 'one-night stands'-I was sure of that. I 
didn't want to have to buy my way into a job by dating my boss! I'd been 
away from it a while, but I was still a good secretary and more-I was still 
married. I wasn't hot-assed for sex, the way most men think all divorcees, 
widows or women who are separated are. But Ed acted as if I was expected to 
peddle my ass to him, in gratitude for him giving me my old job back! 

"So, I lasted three days. Ed became nasty when I would only have lunch with 
him. I didn't want an evening date. I knew it would end up in a scene when 
he wanted to take me home and bed me. On Wednesday night, he asked me to a 
show and dinner, and when I refused, he simply said, 'Norma, I don't think 
you're going to work out on the job. I'll have your check ready in the 
morning.' So that was that. 

"I had another talk with Dr. W-Thursday morning, and he assured me that Don 
was really making an effort to get rid of his anal hangup. So I told the 
doctor that I would try again. The four days and nights alone had given me 
time to think things out, and I decided that it was too lonely without Don. 
I knew that I really did love him, deep down inside me, and that life for me 
would be a bitter, lonely experience if I didn't at least give Don a chance. 
My ex-boss had also given me a preview of what it would be like to be alone, 
and I didn't like the prospect. 

"Don moved back in on Saturday, and it was terribly awkward for both of us. 
We were like strangers, and we were both on the defensive, ready to pounce 
back into a fight if the other indicated he couldn't take the tension. 

"Don finally took my hand and said, 'Norma, I've been terribly wrong. You'll 
never know how this thing has been eating at me all the years. Let's spend 
the weekend somewhere else--just talking this out. All I ask is that you 
believe that I do love you. If you can believe that, I can make it. We can 
rebuild our marriage.' "He sounded so forlorn and so lonely that I kissed 
him on the cheek and said it sounded like a sensible idea. We packed a few 
things and drove down to a motel a few miles down the coast. We were on the 
beach, and we swam and just had fun for the rest of the day. We had a nice 
dinner, a few dances and drinks, and then we went to our room. 

"I knew that if we flunked out this time, we'd never make it again, and I 
wanted to show Don that I was woman enough to take care of his every need, 
in bed or out. I stripped naked, and I could feel his hungry eyes on me as I 
did. He quickly undressed and climbed into the big king-size bed. We didn't 
pull any covers over us, and for a moment or two, Don just lay there, 
looking at my body from head to toe. He said, 'You're a beautiful woman, 
Norma. You have the most lovely body in the world.' Then he began to kiss my 
body. He began at my instep, moving his lips up my leg, inside my thigh, 
brushing my pussy lips lightly as he worked his way up to my navel, my 
breast, neck, eyes, hair, and then back down the other side. His mouth on my 
body was telling me that he loved every inch of me-that he wanted every bit 
of me, as a woman. In fact, he kept mumbling, 'I love you, all of you, every 
bit of you, inside and out.' "He made my whole body glow with his demanding 
mouth, and when he got down between my legs and began to kiss my cunt, 
sticking his tongue in and massaging my clit, then sucking huge mouthfuls of 
the soft inner flesh into his mouth, I had an orgasm inside a minute! 

"As I felt that hot glow of orgasm spreading joy to every part of me, it was 
as if Don had washed away-or sucked out-all the bitterness and hatred that I 
had felt for him. We were beginning fresh, and this time, we would make it, 
I just knew we would. 

"I pushed him away, and I began to kiss his body-suck his nipples, tickle 
his navel with my tongue, lick his balls and the head of his already stiff 
cock. I couldn't wait to get it in my mouth, to return the love that was 
building inside me, higher and higher. He was shuddering with joy when I 
finally began to suck his cock hard and fast, drawing it deep into my mouth, 
loving the feel of it throbbing as he reacted to my lovemaking. 

"When he was ready to come, he tried to pull out-I know he was suffering 
from thinking about Doug, and the scene that I had witnessed-but I shook my 
head and pushed him back down on his back, refusing to let his cock leave my 
mouth. 

"He relaxed then, and inside a few seconds, I felt his come flooding my 
mouth. I was more sure than ever that I was woman enough and in love enough 
to bring our marriage back to the wonderful promise that it had held when we 
first became engaged. 

"I kept on drawing his cock deep into my throat, draining him of every drop, 
never letting his cock go soft again. When it was good and hard, and I could 
feel it begin to throb and jump as I played my tongue over the head of it, I 
moved away quickly and rolled over. I got on my hands and knees, and I said, 
'Anything you want, Don-any way at all. Just hurry!' "Don stared at me, 
trying to see my eyes, to see if I were sincere. He sat up and looked down 
at my ass. With my legs spread wide, he could see the lips of my cunt and my 
asshole-almost as if I were giving him a choice. I had already sucked him 
off, and now I offered my cunt and my asshole. I was willing to go all out 
to try to right our marriage-to help Don straighten out his hangups and rid 
himself of his urges to have sex with men. 

"I don't pretend to be a psychologist, but I had listened carefully to what 
Dr. W-had told me about the homosexual desires in all of us, and I believed 
that Don's choice would give the answer. I guess I was praying a little bit 
as I knelt on my hands and knees, offering him my complete body sexually. 

"Don reached out and took my chin in his hand. He looked straight into my 
eyes, and he said, 'I love you, Norma. I want you-that way, too.' He let his 
eyes rove to my rounded ass for a second. 'But if I ever do have anal 
intercourse again, I want it to be just as a... a change- something 
different once in awhile. Right now-' He smiled for the first time. '-I want 
my wife in the good old-fashioned position.' "My heart jumped with joy. I 
flopped down and rolled over on my back, and spread my legs I wide, letting 
Don's eyes feast on my wet, open hungry cunt! I could see the lust come back 
into his eyes as he looked at me, and then he crawled on top of me, his cock 
in his hand, I was trembling with desire and happiness. He put the head of 
it in a little way, then he kissed my mouth tenderly. 'I do love you, 
Norma-every way a man can love. I'll keep loving you this way, forever.' 
"When he plunged his tongue deep into my waiting mouth, he lunged deep 
inside my cunt with his cock. I was so wet that it slid in easily, and I 
gasped from the thrill of it. There is a strange chemistry in people that 
tells you when something like sex is real, and I hadn't felt it for a long 
time, in my body or coming from Don's-but I could feel it now. It was like 
electricity running all through my body and making it tingle. 

"We began to set up a rhythm as our bodies joined as closely as it is 
possible for a man and woman to be. Don kept kissing me, and I returned his 
kisses, running my fingernails up and down his back, digging in ever so 
lightly, feeling him respond with a shuddering movement. 

"Don slid his hands underneath my ass and began to raise my body up to meet 
his ever deepening lunges, and he began to shove one finger up inside my 
asshole, moving it around, adding even more excitement to the intercourse. I 
think it was the best we both had come in many years, and when it was over 
we just laid there, wrapped in each other's arms and hearts, and I knew that 
it was going to be all right. 

"We showered, and played around in the bathroom, then we went back to bed. 
Twice more-the straight, regular way-we screwed, and it was like a whole new 
world. It was as if we were two different people having sex for the first 
time. It was like on a honeymoon. It was a glorious weekend, filled with 
love. We even found a secluded place on the beach, far from the few that 
were there by the motel area, behind some big rocks-and we made love there 
on the sand, with the hot sun making our passions even warmer. 

"Don was like a young man again, and I felt like a teenager on a date with 
my first love. And that night, I was so lightheaded with happiness, I asked 
Don to have anal intercourse with me. At first, he didn't want to. He 
thought that I was just willing to 'endure it' to show that our marriage had 
been cemented, but I told him that I wanted him to do it that way-with all 
the lights on. I told him that I wanted him to see my body while he was 
shoving his cock up my ass. I wanted him to be kneading and pinching my 
breasts, see my long hair hanging down over my shoulders. In other words, I 
wanted Don to be aware that I was a woman, and that as a woman who loved 
him, I had far more to offer sexually than any man possibly could. 

"I was surprised at how easily the words came, and at the new respect and 
admiration I could see in Don's eyes when he looked and lis- tened to my 
reasoning. 

"He used vaseline-I'd brought some along, knowing that I would be able to 
summon the courage to try it again-and when he smeared my asshole with it, 
kissing my back and shoulders as he did so, there was all the difference in 
the world. I could tell from his touch that it wasn't homosexual lust I was 
arousing in him now, but a total and engulfing love for me. 

"When he began to slide his cock into my asshole, he reached around and 
played with my nipple. Then he slid his hand down and began to rub my 
clitoris, in almost the same rhythm that he used in shoving his cock up my 
ass. Almost as if we had agreed on it, we both gasped, 'I'm coming!' at the 
same time, and our movements speeded up to meet our riotous emotions. 

"After we climaxed together we just collapsed, with me lying there and Don 
on top of me, his prick still inside my asshole, but getting softer. I felt 
a warm glow all over me, and I said, 'We can make it, Don. I know we can. We 
love each other enough. You satisfy me in bed, and I know now that I can 
satisfy you, any way you want me.' "Don just nuzzled my neck and mumbled 
something I couldn't hear, but I caught the word 'adorable,' and that was 
enough. 

"It's been good since then. Don continued with the psychiatrist for several 
weeks, and finally Dr. W-told Don and I that there was no need for further 
consultation. We already knew it, but this time, Don wanted to be sure. 

"I know that Don doesn't see any queers at all anymore. We make sure of it. 
He changed companies, and we have planned our whole lives differently. We 
only spend time with married couples that we know are heterosexual, but we 
also plan a lot of things together. We spend weekends out of town at motels 
with golf courses handy, and we play golf a lot. We bowl and swim, and just 
have a good, full life. When we close the door of our bedroom, we shut the 
whole world out, and live in a world of complete love and happiness. 

"I hope that my telling this will help other women who might have the same 
problem. Remember, if I hadn't had a hangup about anal intercourse, Don 
might never have given in to his urges for that kind of sex, and sought out 
homosexuals. I take my rightful share of the blame, and I like to think that 
I had a big part in putting our marriage back on the right track. I've read 
a lot about analism since then, and I realize that the desire for anal 
intercourse is strong in a lot of males. The testimony of many prostitutes 
bears this out. Men who are married to women like I was-afraid to be 
completely free in my sexual life-only go to prostitutes because they can 
demand whatever kind of sex they want, for money. 

"We're happy. We'll stay happy. I only wish that all other couples could be 
this happy, without ever having to go through all the heartache that I and 
Don did. One last bit of advice: talk about one another's sex desires. It 
can be the answer in a lot of cases. Remember, anything that makes two 
people happy is good, whether the world says so or disapproves, and if a 
woman loves a man, she'll at least try any kind of sex-any position-and she 
might be as surprised as I was to find that giving full satisfaction to your 
husband adds immensely to your own sexual pleasure." 

CHAPTER TWO 

A SPECIAL KIND OF LOVE "When I left home at seventeen, I didn't consider 
myself a promiscuous person. I was not a virgin, but I had only given myself 
sexually to men whom I really was serious about. The first time I had sex I 
was fifteen, and I know now that it was just a schoolgirl crush, but he was 
wild-wilder than anyone has ever been since. 

"Maybe I had better go back and tell you about how it all started. I used to 
masturbate a lot, ever since I was about eight or nine. Anyhow, by the time 
I was eleven, and my breasts were beginning to grow, I masturbated at least 
once every day, sometimes more. 

"When I got tired of just using my finger, I tried a lot of other things. I 
tried using a hairbrush handle, a handle that had broken off a whiskbroom-it 
was covered with leather, a wiener, even a Coke bottle. And some of them 
worked pretty good. But one time, I got fooling around with a thing my dad 
had for his scalp. He was getting bald and he bought this vibrator thing 
that you attached to the back of your hand, plugged into a socket, and when 
you put your fingers on your scalp, it really gave a fast massage. Dad said 
it was to stimulate the hair roots and help the blood circulate in the 
scalp. Anyhow, one day when I was alone, I fooled around with this thing. I 
plugged it in and used my finger up inside me, and it was pretty good. I 
began to fool around with it more and more, holding different things in my 
hand, and that was even better. The fast motion of the object sent thrills 
up my body a mile a minute, and I got so I used it almost every time that my 
dad wasn't home. 

"He smoked cigars that came in a plastic tube, and I used one of those one 
day and it really was something. It was shaped something like a pecker, and 
with the vibration and all, it was groovy. I could insert it pretty deep and 
it went in smooth, and didn't hurt at all. 

"By accident, one day, I was using the vibrator and holding one of the cigar 
containers in my hand, and just as I started to place it inside my pussy, it 
slipped a little and the rounded end of it touched my asshole! I jumped a 
foot, I guess, and it felt so strangely good that I kept it there. I began 
to shove it in a little deeper, and I found, for the first time, that there 
was another spot beside my clit and my nipples, that could really make me 
turn on. My asshole! 

"After that, I experimented some more, using the plastic gimmick in my 
pussy, tickling my clit, while I shoved a finger up my ass. Each thing I 
tried seemed to be even more exciting for me, and finally, I began to use 
two of the plastic containers at the same time-one going up my asshole and 
the other inside my pussy, wiggling real fast against my clit and at the 
same time touching parts of my cunt that were a lot deeper. 

"I don't think I used to have too many fantasies at that time, while I 
masturbated. Once in awhile, I would think about a couple of the boys at 
school, but I really had as good an orgasm when I just concentrated on what 
a won- derful sensation I was having, front and back- in fact, all over my 
body. 

"Anyhow, I did things like that until I was fifteen. I used to go on dates, 
but only with a whole crowd, like to football games or beach parties, and 
for some reason, I never got turned on by any of the boys that were along. I 
could see, though, how they eyed me as my breasts began to grow and my hips 
and legs got nicely shaped, and it used to please my vanity, I guess. 

"There was one boy, Mike, that used to fascinate me. I was at the beach with 
him a couple of times, and he seemed to really be interested in me-or at 
least, he was always around me, staring at my breasts and my crotch, through 
my bathing suit. I could see that he was getting a hard on, and it looked as 
if it was really a big one, but he would always roll over on his stomach, or 
jump up and race into the water real quick when he started to get hard. But 
I could see it a lot of times, and I often wondered how it would feel to 
have it shoved up my ass! Most girls I've talked to about 'sex dreaming' say 
that when they masturbated, they always thought of having a man go down on 
them, or fuck them the regular way, but to me, Mike was my dream 
'ass-fucker.' "I began to think about how his cock would look naked, and 
imagine how it would be to be on my hands and knees and have him shoving it 
way up inside my anus. I thought about him al- most every time I masturbated 
after that, and I guess I was really hung up on him. 

"We began to date steadily, more or less. I mean, he took other girls to the 
movies and things, but I didn't date anyone but him, and then not too often. 
My dad seemed to like him, so there was no problem there. My mother had died 
when I was seven, and my dad had never remarried. He paid a neighbor woman 
to come in and clean and straighten the house twice a week, until I was big 
enough to do it, then she only came every Monday. 

"I began to think of Mike's big cock so much that I knew I had to have it, 
and I laid plans to seduce him into fucking me in the ass. I didn't quite 
know how I was going to do it, but I knew I could somehow, if we were alone 
in the right spot. 

"Once in a while my dad worked Saturdays, and I planned to get Mike alone at 
my house the next Saturday we could be all alone. It happened two weeks 
later, and when I called Mike that morning and told him I wanted to see him, 
he came right over. I guess he had been thinking a lot about screwing me, 
but he hadn't done any more than to just cop a feel every once in awhile, 
and then, he only felt my breasts- never my pussy or ass. 

"He came over right away. I guess he knew that we were both burning up to 
really get down to some sex business, because when he got there, he didn't 
even ask what I wanted him for. I had put on a sweater and a miniskirt, with 
no bra and no panties on. I knew he couldn't resist long. 

"We sat on the couch and we began some hot necking, and when he felt my 
breasts without any bra, he began to really get worked up. I had planned how 
I would get him to screw me in the ass, and I was a pretty good actress, 
because it worked fine. 

"After a lot of tongue kissing, Mike ran his hand up under my sweater and 
began to massage my breast. He was getting a big hard on, and I was tongue 
kissing him and rubbing myself up against him. Finally, he lifted my sweater 
and almost dived for my breast. He began to suck the nipple of one while he 
played with the other breast, and I was going wild, just like he was. 

"I pushed him back and went over and sat in a chair opposite him. I spread 
my legs deliberately so that he could see up my crotch, and I left my 
sweater pulled up so that one breast was showing. We were both panting, and 
I could see his eyes grow big as he looked up between my legs. His cock was 
almost busting through his pants, and it wasn't any act I was putting on 
when I told him, 'Mike-we can't just keep doing that. I'm going crazy. I 
want more, but I'm scared.' "He looked at me funny and asked, 'Scared of 
what?' Like he didn't understand me. 

" 'Of getting pregnant if we... well, do it. But I want to-honest!' "He 
stood up and his cock was bulging out. It must have been a whopper, and I 
ached to have it up my ass. Mike walked over and got on his knees in front 
of me. 'I-I've got to have more, too,' he said, almost pleading with his 
eyes. 'Maybe we could-well, maybe you could blow me, and I could blow 
you-know what I mean?' "I pretended not to quite understand, although I knew 
what a blow job was. I had often wondered how it would be to have a man 
stick his tongue up inside your pussy, but it didn't seem to me that he 
could get it far enough in to really be as good as even my masturbation with 
the vibrator. I hadn't given much thought to sucking a boy's cock, but I was 
thinking a lot about it now. I was afraid that if I did give Mike a blow 
job, that would be it, and I wouldn't get my fucking at all. 

"I reached out and pulled his head close and stuck my tongue into his mouth. 
'I want to, Mike-honest I do, but... but... "I broke off and just began 
kissing him again. He was putting one hand up under my miniskirt, running 
his fingers over the lips of my pussy. I reached down and unzipped his blue 
jeans and felt his cock. It was awfully hard and it throbbed as I ran my 
fingers up and down the length of it, squeezing it as I did so. 

" 'Maybe there's some other way,' I said. 'I've heard about... well, I don't 
know if it's any good or not, but I've heard that some guys can stick their 
cock up a girl's ass.' "I watched his face. He was really going crazy from 
my slow masturbation and he was about ready to try anything. He stood up and 
his cock shot straight out, bobbing up and down a little as it throbbed with 
his need for me. I kept on rubbing it and put the other hand under his 
balls, massaging them slowly. Mike tried to pull my face down on his cock, 
but I resisted. 'Come on, suck it just a little,' he coaxed. 

"I pretended that I was getting too hot to stand much more; and it wasn't 
too much pretending. I went back to the couch. He walked over and he could 
hardly take his eyes off my cunt, as I slouched back with my legs spread 
wide. He began to rub his cock a little and I rolled over and got on my 
hands and knees. My skirt was up over my hips, and he could get a good look 
at my asshole and the lips of my pussy. 'I want something, Mike,' I pleaded. 
'Try it up my ass. It might be good.' "He moved onto the couch, his cock in 
one hand, and positioned himself between my legs. I wondered if it would 
hurt much. It was a lot bigger than the cigar containers I had been using 
for so long. Mike started to rub the head of it inside the lips of my pussy, 
but I hollered, 'I'm scared that way. I've heard that a couple of drops can 
sneak up, and you get pregnant. Please... "I felt him move the head up, and 
then it began to slip into my asshole. It was thrilling, although it did 
hurt a little, because I was so dry. But it felt a lot better than the cigar 
thing. It was warm and I could feel my asshole muscles contracting 
automatically. I reached between my legs and began to massage my clit, and 
Mike began to set up an in-and-out rhythm, holding my hips and pulling me 
back to meet his thrusts. I began to wiggle my ass and helped him plunge it 
in deeper, and in a minute, I was getting ready to come. I could tell by his 
speeded up motions that he was going to shoot into me, and I concentrated on 
bucking my ass back and forth fast, while I played with my clit. I had just 
started to get that 'golden glow' that meant I was coming, when I felt the 
hot spurt of come from Mike's prick shooting up inside my ass! 

"He kept on pumping away, and I had a glorious come. He was panting for 
breath when he finally finished, and just collapsed on my stomach, 
marvelling at how wonderful it had been for me. I could tell by the way Mike 
was shuddering and gasping that it had been a good come for him, too, and 
after a minute or so I told him to go in the bathroom and wash it off, then 
maybe I would blow his cock. 

"He did, and when he came back, I saw that it had already begun to get hard 
again. I sat on the couch and he stood up in front of me. I played with it a 
little, and he kept getting hotter and hotter until he finally grabbed the 
back of my head and pulled my mouth towards his swollen cock. I looked at it 
closely. It looked so big. I was sure it would choke me if I tried to suck 
it, but I wanted to. I wanted to keep Mike for myself, because I knew that 
if I could keep him happy I could probably get him to keep on giving it to 
me up the ass. Later, when I had a chance to think about it, while I 
masturbated, I realized that I actually was afraid of getting pregnant. 
Besides, I really dug the ass-fucking bit, and my orgasm was really good. 

"I put the head of his cock in my mouth and began to suck it, and it made 
Mike jump. He grabbed my head and pulled it down hard, so that his cock 
slipped into my mouth easily. I began to suck it, and I took my one hand and 
held it at the base, while I massaged his balls with my other hand. When I 
began to do that, Mike eased up on the pressure on my head. I wanted him to 
come, but I really didn't, because I wanted it one more time in my asshole. 
I was extra conscious of the throbbing of his cock, because I was trying to 
gauge it so he wouldn't come. 

"When I felt him begin to speed up, I sud- denly stopped and took his cock 
out of my mouth. 'I can't, Mike-I just can't!' I cried, trying to appear 
half-hysterical. 

"He looked down at me, anger and frustration on his face, but his voice was 
almost a whine as he pleaded, 'Come on, Vicki, please-please finish me.' "I 
put on the act again. I rolled over and buried my head in my arms, 
pretending to cry. I kept saying over and over, 'I can't! I can't!' I knew 
that the way I was lying on the couch, Mike could get a good look at my ass 
and I spread my legs a little farther apart. When I felt him kneel with his 
legs straddling mine, I knew I had him hooked. He had to settle for my 
asshole. I knew that he had enjoyed it the first time, and I slid my hand 
down and began to massage my clit. Maybe it was the first time he'd ever 
seen a girl masturbate, but whatever, it turned him on good. He really 
guided his cock good this time, just the tip of it entering at first, but 
when he got it slipping in and out easily he let go and grabbed my hips with 
his hands. Between him pulling and my bucking back to meet him, it was 
perfect! And all the while, I was taking care of my clit in perfect time to 
his thrusts up my ass. When we came, it was as close as any two ever come to 
orgasm at the same time, and it was even better than the last time. 

"Mike was funny after he had pulled it out and washed it up. He put on his 
pants and then he began to feel guilty about ass-fucking me. He began to 
stammer and stumble over a lot of apologies for 'being such a damned 
animal,' and 'acting like a horny dog.' But I snuggled up to him and told 
him it was wonderful. I told him that it took all the worry away from me 
about getting pregnant, and that if it was good for him when he had come, 
then it was fine for me. 

"Of course, I was buttering him up for other days and nights, but I wasn't 
lying one bit. It had been more than wonderful. I couldn't know then that it 
was going to start something that would snowball into near-disaster for me 
later on, but I doubt if I could have changed the pattern at that time even 
if I had wanted to!" 

Vicki is unusual in that she discovered much earlier in life than most 
Children that the anus is a very erogenous area. Stimulation of the anus by 
finger, artificial means or by the insertion of a penis has, in the 
testimony of many women, brought them to full orgasm, not once, but many 
times over. 

Twenty-two years ago, in 1948, Dr. Alfred E. Kinsey stated in his masterful 
works on the sexual behavior of the American male and female, concerning 
anal stimulation: "There are some individuals for whom anal stimulation is 
definitely erotic, and there are a few who may be brought to orgasm by such 
stimulation." That statement, published many years ago, when studies of 
sexual behavior were in their infancy, must be considered a gross 
understatement in the light of present-day activities; freedom of sexual 
experimentation has been constantly on the rise among both the older and the 
younger generations. 

Analism, or sexual intercourse in the anal canal, is now a widespread 
practice, though, like incest, it is still not discussed too freely for the 
simple reason that shame and guilt feelings are attached to it. 

But researchers, experiencing a fuller, franker response to their questions 
about sex preferences and practices, have discovered that analism and 
analingus (the oral stimulation of the anal orifice with lips and tongue) 
are accepted by a considerable portion of our population as quite normal 
forms of intercourse and foreplay. 

It is remarkable how many women like this form of intercourse, continued to 
orgasm. It is not so remarkable that a male should prefer this, or at least 
list it as one of the most arousing substitutes for genital-genital 
intercourse. 

The anus provides a tight orifice for the male penis, and provides as much 
as 100 percent more friction which is basically responsible for the male 
orgasm. That males would desire to at least use anal intercourse as a 
"change" in their sex routines is understandable, but researchers have had a 
more difficult time trying to determine the reasons why many females like 
anal intercourse, and why some actually prefer it to any other form of 
sexual intercourse! 

It has become evident, from blunt answers given by the new "tell it like it 
is" group, that analingus, the stimulation of the anus by tongue and lips, 
is widely practiced in the arousal stages. And many women have attested to 
the fact that, while enjoying regular (man-on-top) intercourse, they find 
additional arousal and satisfaction from his manipulation of their anus with 
the finger(s). 

But because the feces has always been stressed as a taboo to almost every 
small child, the average person tries to ignore the erotic feelings that are 
associated with the anus. Anal sex is a less popular form of intercourse 
than it might be merely because many persons find it impossible to rid 
themselves of the childhood guilt. The subconscious recalls the punishment 
inflicted if a child played with his feces or experimented with the area of 
his anus. It was "dirty," or "sinful," or just plain "nasty," and so most 
persons (particularly females) deny themselves the erotic pleasures that can 
be derived from analism and analingus. 

It can be said that we owe the upsurge of honesty concerning the pleasures 
of analism to the new militant homosexual groups, for analism has long been 
one of the erotic joys of mankind, dating back to the heart of our 
civilization-the Greek culture-when almost every male Greek had one or more 
young boys as his "proteges," though they were in fact his love objects. 
They made no silly bones about it. It has been recorded and verified by the 
most learned historians of all eras. It is also believed that the 114 
sonnets of William Shakespeare were written to a young boy, of whom he was 
enamored. One need only read the sonnets, substituting the male gender for 
the female in pronouns, to see the depth of the Bard's love for another 
male. But because homosexuality in that day was an offense punishable by 
death, friends of Shakespeare carefully changed the male pronouns to female 
before publication. Even then, they were not published while he was still 
alive. 

With the openness of the homosexual community in the last decade breaking 
down many barriers against "different" sex between consenting adults, more 
and more heterosexual lovers have admitted to the practice of analism. Many 
discovering the thrilling pleasures of analism at an early age have found 
willing partners, but most have encountered mental blocks and "background" 
incidents in the minds of their sex partners. Still, one of the most 
respected and eminent psychologists in the United States recently stated in 
his monthly magazine column his belief that at least fifty percent of the 
population is anally oriented, or extremely erotic in that area. 

Recent findings have tended to make a number of psychologists believe that 
many persons, like the subject of this study, Vicki, can respond more 
ecstatically to analism than anything else. 

"The mechanics involved in such responses," Kinsey says (since verified 
hundreds of times over), "are the same as those which account for erotic 
response to oral, breast, or genital stimulation, and there is no need for 
special theories to explain anal reactions. It would appear, however, that 
there are considerable variations in these reactions, probably due to the 
differences in the nerve supply in different individuals, as well as 
considerable differences in psychological conditioning on this point." 

Psychologists and psychiatrists are not much closer than Kinsey was in 
solving the riddle of why some persons candidly prefer and enjoy anal 
intercourse, but they are quick to point out that the devotees of analism 
number in the thousands. Remembering that only one in approximately 
twenty-two persons who need professional help with sex hangups seeks it, it 
would seem that our learned psychologist may indeed be correct in his 
estimate that fifty percent of the population are anally oriented. 

Vicki, in her lonely orgasms, accidentally stumbled onto the erotic 
pleasures of anal stimulation, and it was inevitable that she would want to 
experiment in this area with a live male partner. Mike was the perfect 
target, inasmuch as he had no inbred compunctions against anal intercourse. 
Once he had overcome his natural aversion to what is essentially a 
homosexual act, he proved to Vicki what she had long suspected: that anal 
intercourse, accompanied by stimulation of the clitoris (by either partner), 
brought multiple thrills. 

Also, Vicki had not been psychologically oriented to think of this act as 
"dirty" or "perverted," doubtless because her mother had died while she was 
young and her father hadn't the time to discuss such intimate matters with 
his growing daughter. Nor had Vicki been subjected to the "gutter treatment" 
by young males or older perverts; some girls have been and ultimately come 
to abhor anal intercourse. 

According to the sexual behavior experts, there are many complexions and 
many effects inherent in analism. It has been learned further that many of 
those devoted to this type of sexuality can become enslaved by the heavy 
sensuality that this type of sex can provide. 

For many there is an intense erotic bliss achieved because of the intense 
stimulation that is possible because of the special nerve and muscle 
stimulation that occurs during analism. For some, this is quite enough, but 
for others, there is an another aura that is exceptionally stimulating and 
enjoyable. This is the atmosphere or feeling of humiliation and abasement, 
which is inherent in the masochist, and for the masochist, analism opens a 
whole new spectrum of extreme sensual joys. 

The masochist is now a familiar figure in the lexicon of sexuality and his 
needs contain the element of pain or humiliation as an added fillip. Very 
often analism, or sodomy, is the closing act in a program that includes the 
inflicting of pain and abasement, the piece de resistance for both parties. 

We have heard from Vicki's own testimony that there was originally some pain 
involved, both in the stimulation of her anus by herself and in actual anal 
intercourse. 

Vicki does not seem to be a true masochist but rather she falls into the 
category of the new "explorers" who are discovering the wonders of erotic 
arousal daily, and who do not hesitate to satisfy their appetites or to try 
anything which promises pleasure. In a sense, Vicki has no true "sex 
hangups," unless we consider her obsession with anal sex to be such. Many 
experts would consider Vicki to be a classic example of "conditioned 
response." In short, the theory states that if subjected to a certain act 
long enough, the av- erage person becomes conditioned to it, and very often 
comes to actually enjoy it, no matter whether it is pleasurable or painful. 

Vicki experienced intense sexual pleasure during the act, in spite of the 
accompanying pain. As we shall hear from her further account, Vicki had 
become addicted to the "double pleasure" of anal intercourse. Had she not 
accidentally discovered the joys of anal intercourse, it is likely that she 
would have eventually, and that she would have reacted in much the same way. 
But as with many devotees of a certain sex practice or pleasure, willing and 
able partners are not always easy to come by-especially those who might be 
considered as marital partners. 

However, most devotees of analism, when asked if they would have changed 
their sex patterns if they could, stated flatly that they would not have, 
for they consider that they would have missed the thrill of "total sex." 

Let us continue with Vicki's personal account. 

"Mike spent half the day trying to explain why he felt he had affronted me 
and insulted me when he had given in to the urge to have ass-fucking. I 
tried to tell him (and I finally did get it acrosss) that I had liked it 
very much. 

I told him that I would probably like the regular way, too, and that maybe 
soon we could try it. 

"I also told him that I had gotten a strange kick out of feeling his cock in 
my mouth, and I would be willing to try to go all the way that way, if he 
wanted me to. I questioned him, prying from him, little by little, the 
answers to a lot of things I wanted to know about his feelings about sex-my 
way and his ways. 

"He loosened up a lot after that, and we took a shower and then walked 
around the house naked, like a couple of little kids playing 
'you-show-me-yours'! 

"Mike got pretty hard several times, and he kept coaxing me to let him fuck 
me the regular way, in my cunt, but I told him I couldn't unless he used a 
rubber. I didn't have any pills, and I didn't know how I could get any. 
Besides, I pointed out, we didn't have to worry if we stuck to ass-fucking 
and making each other come with our mouths. 

"He was still hot to have me blow him, and I remembered that it hadn't been 
bad at all, sucking his cock. I worked on him and told him that I'd try, if 
he would do it the same way to me. I was still curious about how it would be 
to have a real come, with a man using just his mouth. Mike got pretty 
excited about the idea, and when I laid down on my bed and spread my legs, 
he was ready to gobble me up. "He crawled down between my legs, and for a 
couple of minutes, he just got his eyes full. I guess he'd never seen a 
girl's cunt up close, because he spread the lips, looked in, felt around, 
then tickled my clit and the lips of my cunt with the tip of his tongue. He 
even put his nose down and took a good smell of it. I've learned since that 
the smell of a woman's pussy can turn some guys 'ape.' "But finally Mike 
couldn't hold off any longer, and he went right in. I don't know how he knew 
the right places, but he did. He ran his tongue over the lips, then inside 
and massaged my clit. He began to nibble at it, making me jump with the 
joy-pain. Almost as if he had been doing it all his life, he stuck one 
finger up inside my pussy, so he could touch the inner walls; and maybe he 
remembered the way I had jumped and writhed around when he was ass-fucking 
me, because Mike ran one finger up my asshole and began to move it all 
around, in and out. He really got carried away-nibbling, sucking, 
finger-fucking and asshole-massaging-and he drove me wild! 

"I came in a wild, bucking orgy of joy. It was funny, watching Mike's head 
bobbing up and down as he tried to hang onto my throbbing clit with his lips 
and teeth, and he kept up all the motions until I had drained all the come 
from my body. I just laid there, thinking how wonderful it had all been and 
how glad I was that I had invited Mike to be the one to break me in.' The 
funny part of it was, I still had my cherry-although I think I had broken 
the hymen a long time ago, masturbating with so many different things. All 
that sex, and I was still really a 'virgin' in the way that most people 
think of one-because I'd never been cunt-fucked ! 

"Mike was so hot that he couldn't wait. I was exhausted from all the sex 
fun, but I owed him the same kind of thrill, so I turned around and crawled 
down as he rolled on his back. His cock was rigid, standing up stiff against 
his belly, and I took my time looking it over. I played with it, and with 
his balls, and he kept gasping and jumping around, and moaning for me to 
'eat it, please, Vicki-eat it!' "Finally I took the shaft of it in my hand, 
holding it down near the base of it, moving my hand up and down along the 
shaft, while I took the head of it in my mouth. I ran my tongue around the 
rim of it, then up and down, and finally I gobbled it all in deep and began 
to suck it as hard as I could, bobbing my head up and down. Mike began to 
raise his ass to help get his prick deeper into my throat, and I began to 
want to taste his come-I wanted to feel him jerking and writhing in the same 
agony of passion that I had, and I let my teeth rake over the skin of his 
wet, slippery prick, with each in and out motion. 

"Mike was moaning and rearing up, grabbing at my head, and when I felt he 
was coming, I ran my hand under his ass and jabbed my finger up his 
asshole-hard! 

"He let out a moan that was almost a yell, and he began to come-shooting 
juice into my mouth until I could hardly swallow it fast enough to keep from 
choking. 

"I kept on pushing my finger up his ass, hoping that he was getting the same 
kind of two-way thrill that he had given me, and sucking every drop of come 
from his hot, slimy prick! 

"He grabbed my hair and pulled my face even closer to his sweaty stomach, 
and the smell of his body turned me on even worse than before! Almost 
without thinking, I turned around and crawled on top of his face, so my cunt 
was at his mouth. I took his cock into my mouth and began to suck it hard, 
and he spread the lips of my cunt and began to lick, using long tongue 
strokes that moved the length of my cunt lips, then went up higher and ended 
up at my asshole! The touch of his tongue on my bum-hole sent me to the 
moon! He could tell from my actions, I guess, because at the end of each 
long lick at my cunt, he would end up shoving the tip of his tongue up 
inside my asshole as far as it would go! 

"I put my finger up Mike's asshole and began that in and out movement, using 
my nail to dig into the sidewalls of his anus, and plunging my mouth down 
over his prick until I felt it gagging me. I chewed, I sucked, I tickled, 
and when Mike latched onto my clit with his teeth and began to shove his 
finger up my asshole, we both just went wild! He rolled and turned, moaned 
and slobbered, and finally he shot his load into my mouth, a second before I 
came again! 

"After that, we really were too tired for any more sex that day, but when 
Mike left, we both knew that there would be a lot of wonderful, sexy days 
and nights for us. And there were- two whole years of it! We went steady. We 
didn't want or need anyone else. We never talked about it, because I was so 
young, but I think we both knew we would get married one day. 

"Believe it or not, only five or six times in all those months did we have 
regular sex-using a rubber. And neither of us liked it! 

"Mike said it was like taking a bath with your socks on, and to me, it 
seemed like a wall between us-as if I were just masturbating, using some 
silly gimmick like the electric vibrator. Anyhow, we both agreed that we 
liked it better with him fucking me in the asshole, or with us doing a 
'sixty-nine,' with a lot of ass-poking thrown in. 

"Then the roof fell in. Mike went away to college and I felt like a deserted 
floozy. I wouldn't even have known how to act on a date with anyone else, I 
had grown so used to Mike and our special way of love. 

"I was heartsick, and I actually got physically sick. I couldn't eat and I 
began to lose weight and lost interest in school completely. I was a real 
mope. I tried masturbating, of course-every way, including that damned 
vibrator and the plastic cigar container, but it was no good. It was like 
watching color TV for a year or two, then trying to go back to a plain old 
black-and-white set. It was flat. Everything had lost its taste. The whole 
world seemed lousy. I almost went nuts from wanting Mike, but I just 
couldn't try anyone else. 

"I know you'll think I really was nuts, but I read the underground papers 
pretty regularly-I don't know why, except maybe it made me feel less alone, 
reading about other persons that had the guts to advertise for some 
'special' kind of sex, like I needed. It wasn't guilt feelings or anything 
like that, but without Mike, I was so lost that at times I felt like a 
freak. I knew there must be others in the world who would love me like Mike 
did, and I guess I wanted to be reassured. 

"Anyhow, I kept seeing this one ad, week after week, that read: 'Young 
swinger, new in town, will go your way, but no sadism or masochism.' Then it 
gave the P.O. Box number to contact. It took me weeks to get up enough nerve 
to write, but when I did I got an answer back inside three days, with a 
phone number to call. I called, and I was as nervous as if I were a virgin. 
We made a date to meet and talk, and Jules was nice. He was big, handsome, 
dark and polite, and I felt a magnetism taking hold of me. I liked him, but 
I still had the problem of getting across to him what I wanted and needed. 

"He had moved into town from New York, and he had an apartment. Although I 
was a little scared, I made a date to meet him the next night and go to his 
apartment. It was a nice place, and he had added a lot to it with some 
pictures he had painted himself; some of them were nudes, in erotic 
positions, and I began to wonder just what Jules wanted of me. I wasn't 
particularly pretty, and my body wasn't any nicer than most 
seventeen-year-old's. I had just begun to really learn to wear clothes, and 
use makeup. 

"Jules didn't waste any time, I'll give him that. He said, 'Well, Vicki, I 
guess the ad told my story, and your answer told me yours. So- we both want 
and need some sex. What's your bag?' "I didn't expect it to start so soon, 
and it surprised me, but he was smiling and looked sincere, and I felt that 
I could talk to him about ass-screwing. I began almost at the beginning, and 
told him about the masturbation and all, then about Mike-but I didn't give 
Mike's name-and then about how lonely I was and how hard it was to come 
right out and tell a man that you wanted that kind of sex. 

"Jules just kept nodding and smiling, and when I had finished, I just 
shrugged and said, 'So-here I am!' "He laughed and said, 'That's no problem, 
Vicki. There are a lot more women than you would imagine who like it that 
way, and almost every man I've ever known likes it that way. So there's no 
problem.' "I felt at ease with him, and he mixed me a drink-a martini, and 
it hit me hard. I wanted a second one, but I didn't want to be drunk or out 
of it when Jules finally did get down to the business of sex. He began to 
strip, and as I took off my clothes, I noticed what a nice body he had. I 
learned later that he was a weight-lifting nut and his thigh and shoulder 
muscles were fantastic. And he had a dong on him that was something! It 
almost scared me, thinking of taking that up my asshole, but he was really 
exciting. As I dropped my last piece of clothing, I could see his cock begin 
to rise, standing straight out from his body, then finally it stood up stiff 
against his hairy belly, and I got really excited. I could feel my cunt 
getting wet and hot, and I knew I was really going to enjoy it. 

"Jules walked over and put his arms' around me, rubbing his cock against my 
stomach, pulling me in close so my hardened nipples pressed against his 
hairy chest. He stuck his tongue in my mouth and we had a little tug-of-war 
with tongues, sucking, pushing, licking, until we both began to writhe 
around against the other. 

"He broke the kiss and said, 'Vicki, let's go into my bedroom. You'll like 
it, I know.' He took me by the hand and led me into his bedroom and did I 
ever like it! It had two walls that were completely covered with nude 
pictures of couples in all kinds of intercourse. The other walls and the 
ceiling were completely made up of mirrors! I'd never seen anything like it, 
or even dreamed that any room could make me feel as sexy as this one did. I 
noticed that Jules himself was the star performer in a lot of the pictures, 
and it made me all the hornier as I stood and stared about me. I could see 
myself and Jules from many different angles, and I knew that when we got on 
that big bed, it would be even more exciting. 

" 'Well?' Jules asked. 

"I gasped, 'It's fantastic, Jules!' "He said, 'Then let's not waste any 
time.' He walked over and patted the bed and I almost ran to it. I just sat 
down for a moment, still breathless at the possibilities the place lent 
itself to. Jules stood before me, looking down at my distended nipples and 
my exposed crotch and at last he took his cock in his hand and moved close 
to me, holding it close to my lips, gently skinning the loose skin at the 
head back and forth. 'Shall we warm up with some mouth action?' he asked, 
and I was so hot I just leaned forward and opened my lips and let him shove 
his gigantic cock into my mouth! 

"I couldn't get enough of looking at myself and Jules in action from so many 
different slants, and before I realized it, Jules was increasing the speed 
of his lunges into my mouth and he had shot a huge load of come into me 
before I was aware he was that close to an orgasm! 

"I swallowed it and then cleaned off his cock with my tongue, and after I 
did that, he pushed me back on the bed and spread my legs and crawled up 
between them and began to play with my throbbing cunt, using lips, teeth, 
and fingers. He scratched the inside of my thighs and then shoved one finger 
deep into my cunt and he nipped my clit with his teeth. After a little of 
this, he began to suck hard on my clit, and he slid his hand under me and 
began to shove a finger in and out of my asshole. It took me less than a 
minute to come, and Jules finished me off really good, sucking and pinching, 
licking and scratching, and finally he fastened his fingers on my breasts 
and began to knead them, using his nails to excite the already-hard nipples. 

"Inside a moment or so, we were both ready, and Jules stopped and got to his 
knees. I couldn't keep my eyes off the both of us in those mirrors, and some 
of the blown-up photographs were really sexy and exciting. 

"He said, 'Get on your hands and knees, Vicki,' and I scrambled to obey. His 
cock had felt so good in my mouth that I had lost all fear of having him 
ass-fuck me. I knew, just by his actions so far, that he would know exactly 
how to make me have a wild, wonderful come! 

"He asked me if I needed any lubricant-any Vaseline or cold cream, but I was 
too excited to wait for that. Besides, I wanted to feel that big dong, 
really feel it so it hurt me a little! I'm no masochist, but I do know that 
a little pain-like a guy scratching you with his fingernails or biting your 
ear or nibbling your earlobes or nipples with his teeth-all these things 
just add to the thrill of fucking and sucking. I told him to go ahead and 
forget the Vaseline, and as I looked into the mirror, I got a good view of 
Jules from the side, spreading my ass cheeks, moving up closer all the time, 
one hand guiding the head of his cock into my brown love-spot! 

"I think I could have masturbated for ten seconds and come right then, but I 
wanted to feel him inside my ass and see what else he could think of to make 
his big prick even more effective. He didn't make me wait long. When he had 
the head of his cock positioned so that it was just entering my anus, he put 
his hands on my hips and gave one big lunge, pulling me in close to him with 
his strong arms and hands! His cock shot into me with a fiery thrill that 
seemed to go as high as my heart! He pulled back and rammed it home again 
and again, and I almost subconsciously reached down with one hand to 
masturbate myself. But he shoved my hand away, leaned forward so his weight 
was on my butt, and he reached around and began to pinch and play with my 
clit, all the time shoving his cock in and out of my asshole like a fiery, 
red-hot lance! Even Mike had never been this exciting! 

"I tried to watch in the mirrors, but it was too excruciatingly beautiful to 
keep my attention on our images. I just put my head down and concentrated 
all my attention on my cunt and my asshole. Jules was wonderful! All I could 
think of was how it would be in another few seconds, when I felt his cock 
unloading his juices inside me! 

"When it came, it was so unbelievably thrilling that I gasped and almost 
felt like I would pass out. There was pain at the last because he was 
shoving his cock inside me so deep that I could actually feel his balls 
slapping against the lips of my pussy. We were both sweating and moaning, 
our bodies slippery with perspiration, and when Jules went into a series of 
quick, hard jabs, I reached down and used my fingers alongside of his to 
scratch and massage the inside of my cunt! It was as if I were in a 
different part of the room watching myself, as the wild ecstasy swept over 
my whole body. Jules put his weight even heavier on me and began to bite the 
back of my neck and my shoulders, and that was something new. It was a new 
thing altogether, from start to finish, the way Jules did it to me. I 
completely forgot about Mike or anyone else, and it was absolutely the most 
complete orgasm I had ever had. It covered my whole body. It numbed my 
senses, it was so thorough and satisfying. 

"Jules was like a machine. He would come, then we would rest a few moments, 
while I played with him and he fooled around, kissing and fingering me, 
while we stared at ourselves in the mirrors; and after only a moment he 
would be ready again. Altogether, I had four separate orgasms that session, 
with a half-dozen 'almost-comes' along with them. I am sure he came at least 
four times, and at the end it was me who ended up calling a halt to the 
whole deal. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Three of the times I 
came, Jules was shoving it in my asshole, and the other time he was sucking 
me off. We didn't even try a straight fuck, although I admit that I was 
curious to see just what that big prick would feel like way up inside my 
cunt. He had reached farther up my asshole than Mike ever had, but then he 
was a bigger man in every way. It had been wonderful, and as we lay there, 
naked, just relaxing in the afterglow of sex-which to me is almost as 
pleasurable as the act itself. After a lot of kissing and feeling, Jules 
raised up and looked down into my eyes. He jolted me into a sitting position 
when he said, 'Vicki, would you like to have all this, and make some money 
at the same time?' "I was angry for a second. He was suggesting that I 
become a prostitute! I like my sex, but I wasn't about to sell by body to 
just anybody, no matter what! I sat up and pinned him with an icy stare. 
'What in hell do you think I am, a cheap whore?' I yelled. 

"Jules looked surprised, then he began to grin. 'I should have made it 
plain, I guess. I'm sorry, Vicki. I didn't mean as a prostitute. I mean as 
a... a well, sort of an actress.' "I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. An 
actress! 'In what kind of movies-stag films?' I sneered. 

" 'No, in legitimate movies. Oh, they are underground, and they are on a low 
budget, but I can get you five hundred a film, and it takes less than a day 
to shoot it. How about it?' "It's funny, but I had never really given any 
thought to what I would do when I finished school. I guess, in the back of 
my mind, I figured that I would someday get married and that would be that. 
Now Jules was offering something that I had never thought about at all-a 
movie role-even though it was in one of the cheap, sex-filled films that 
flood all the so-called 'main street' theaters. I had seen a couple with 
Mike, and they didn't seem so awful to me. At least, the sex was normal-no 
sadism or homosexuality in the ones we had seen, although I knew that some 
showed only homosexuals in the sex scenes-and I relaxed on the pillow, 
staring at myself in the overhead mirror. I looked at my body, and Jules's 
muscular, manly body next to mine, and I wondered to myself, Why not? 

"I kept thinking that maybe I could make a dozen or so, then go to Mike and 
have enough money to help him through school. Then we could get married. 

"I asked Jules, 'How do I get started-if I agree?' "He laughed and pinched 
my nipples. 'You just had an audition, baby,' he grinned at me. 'In a few 
hours, you'll be able to see yourself as the camera sees you.' "I sat 
upright again, fighting anger. He had gotten me to his place and had taken 
secret movies of him and me doing all those things! 

"He pushed me back and kissed my breast 'Relax, Vicki baby. You'll pass 
easily. And-if you agree-you will even be paid for this!' "In spite of my 
fading anger at being taken that way, the idea began to appeal to me. Why 
not? I could have all the sex I wanted, and get paid for it. The only thing 
I would have to worry about was Mike, and how he would accept the idea of 
other men screwing me and cornholing me, or my sucking other men's cocks, 
and having them perform cunnilingus on me. 

"The more I thought about it, the better the idea seemed to be. Jules put 
the clincher on it when he said, 'I wouldn't promise, Vicki, but I might be 
able to get a little more money than that, because you like it-well, in the 
butt. How about it?' "I said, 'Let me think about it a day or two. And I 
want to see those movies.' "Jules grinned at me as if he already knew that I 
was going to agree to it. I think he knew that I needed the sex more than 
the money, but I was still half afraid of what Mike would think. In my 
heart, I knew that I was going to agree, if they weren't the straight stag 
movies, but were really semi-legitimate things. That was a lot of money for 
having all that fun, the way I looked at it. 

" 'Are you in those movies, Jules?" I asked. He replied, 'Sure, baby. I'm 
the star-one of the few studs that can keep going for a whole shooting 
session. There are lots of guys who can go one or two screws, but that means 
running the shooting time on the picture to three or four days, because they 
all have at least five or six screw scenes.' "I could see that he was proud 
of his sexmanship, and as I remembered his energy and almost continuous 
hard-ons, I didn't blame him. 

"That's how it began. I saw the films that had been shot of Jules and I, and 
I had to admit they turned me on, just watching myself in ac- tion. I could 
imagine that they would really excite a lot of guys. Jules had been 
maneuvering me around for a lot of good cunt and ass shots. He knew the 
location of the three cameras, and he had turned them on with a hidden 
control, the second we went into his bedroom. 

"I met the man in charge at the same time I saw the films, and Jules came 
right out and told him that for the ass-fucking, I should get a hundred a 
day more. The guy sat and stared at the films-twice, then he nodded and said 
he'd pay $600 a day. But he seemed a little wary, and I wondered why. Then 
he came right out bluntly and asked me how old I was. When I told him, he 
almost turned green. 

"'Geez!' he said. 'I could get busted good! What about your mother and 
father?' I lied and said, 'They're both dead. I live with my grandmother, 
and she wouldn't even know what I was doing-she's sick most of the time.' 
"Mr. George-or at least that's what he called himself-thought it over a 
minute, and then nodded. 'Okay, baby, you be here bright and early Monday 
and we'll get you started.' We were at a big place with a lot of rooms, and 
I found out later that the upstairs rooms had been converted to a film 
studio. All the sets were just bedroom and partial living rooms, featuring 
big, luxurious couches, but the filming wasn't bad. The pictures of me and 
Jules had been in color, and it had been good. 

"Mr. George gave me two hundred dollars and had me sign a release that 
allowed him to use the films he had made of us for stag parties. He 
explained that he had a big mailing list for those type of films, from 
'small town jerks,' as he called them. It seemed like a lot of money to me, 
so I signed. He promised me that he would use Jules in the first film, so I 
wouldn't be too nervous. It wasn't too bad. When I showed up, there were two 
other girls, both of them quite a bit older than I was, and the 'story' was 
explained to me. Then we went to work. 

"The general idea of the film was that I was trying to win Jules as my 
boyfriend. We were supposed to be all living in one of the 'swinging 
singles' apartments, and after a few shots of me walking around in my 
panties, getting cocktails ready for Jules, he came in. We necked a little 
at first, then we got down to the serious sex. I gave him a good warmup by 
sucking his cock, and he took my panties off and licked my cunt a little. By 
the time he was doing that, I had forgotten all about the cameras that were 
on us and the handful of technicians that were watching. In fact, I got a 
special kick from it. Knowing that you're performing for an audience does 
something extra for sex, and when Jules got me on my hands and knees and 
began to fuck me in the asshole, I didn't care if the whole world was 
watching! 

"After we'd finished it that way (and I had one hell of an orgasm, with 
Jules fingering me) the other two girls came bursting into the apartment. 
They began to fight with Jules, and he stood up and showed them a good hard 
on, and told them with a grin that there was plenty for everyone. 

"Then Jules balled each of them, while I sat and pretended to pout. Finally, 
I pulled Jules off one of the women and tried to scratch her eyes out, and 
Jules separated us and then gave it to me in the ass again. Meantime, the 
two other gals went to work on each other. They were really lesbians, I 
found out later, and only allowed the screwing scenes to pick up the extra 
money. Besides, they told me afterwards, they got a little extra for the 
lesbian bit, just like I did for the ass-fucking. They were nice enough to 
me, but I could see that they didn't have a bit of interest in Jules. They 
really threw themselves into the cunt-sucking and the sixty-nining, and the 
camera caught it all, while at the same time, Jules was fucking me in the 
ass and masturbating me until we both came. 

"That's all it was. As simple as that. I think I really guessed that they 
weren't legitimate movies, only high-class stag stuff, but I didn't mind. It 
seemed like easy money to me. I stayed with that outfit for three months, 
and then I went to where Mike was. I didn't lie to my father, at least in 
one way. I told him that I was in love with Mike, and that he wanted me to 
come East and marry him. My dad had known how I felt about Mike, so he 
wasn't too surprised. I told him that Mike had even sent me the fare, and I 
left under good conditions. 

"When I got to New York, Mike was delirious with happiness. He'd been as 
lonely as I had been, and we spent the whole first night together just 
catching up on our lovemaking. When I felt Mike's arms around me, all the 
old love came flooding back again, even hotter than before. I knew after a 
few days that Mike really loved me, and I told him what I had done to make 
all the money that I had. It bothered him a little at first, but then he 
said he understood, and he didn't really mind. 

"Gradually, I worked around to tell him that Jules and Mr. George had given 
me the names of other underground movie companies in New York that would be 
glad to give me work, even on a part-time basis. That took some talking, but 
at last Mike agreed that I could do it part-time. He wanted to get married 
first, and that was what I had wanted all along, so we did. 

"It worked fine for a few months, then Mike began to get jealous. He got 
surly, and his marks in school began to go down, and a couple of times he 
was warned that his scholarship could be taken away from him if he didn't 
shape up scholastically. 

"So I quit. I had earned over seven thousand dollars, and Mike agreed to let 
me get a job as a cocktail waitress in a nightclub, although he didn't 
particularly like the hours I had to work, because we were apart too much 
with him in school. But we had all the early and late evenings together. We 
rented a nice apartment-furnished-and it was wonderful. 

"Mike keeps me completely satisfied sexually. He still likes a variety of 
sex once in a while, but he still gives me plenty of anal intercourse, and a 
lot of cunnilingus, and sometimes we sixty-nine. Once in a blue moon, we 
have regular, straight-out fucking, and it is good-for a change. We're doing 
fine. I make good money, and Mike graduates in six months more. He's already 
been tapped by one of the professional football teams, and he figures to 
play for ten years, then go back home and invest in some sort of a business 
deal. 

"When he graduates, I quit working. He wants it that way. I suppose 
everybody that reads about me would wonder if I ever fool around. The answer 
is 'NO!' There's no need to. I have everything I want with Mike. I'm looking 
forward to the traveling around when he plays football, and I intend to be a 
good wife to him. 

"Let's just say that I got it all out of my system with the movie bit. 
Whatever, I love Mike totally, and he thrills me now just as much as he did 
the very first time we had sex. 

"I wouldn't advise women to deliberately try anal intercourse, but I would 
tell them that if their husbands want to try it, they should. They might be 
surprised at all the new, hard-to-de-scribe thrills that come with 
ass-fucking. As for me, I wouldn't change for the world." 

CHAPTER THREE 

ENSLAVED BY THE PAST "I'll tell you right now that to me, what most persons 
call 'normal' intercourse is still 'abnormal.' I don't understand all the 
reasons why, but I'll try to explain as I go along. 

"I'm what you would call an anal wife. By that, I mean that I feel best, 
safest and most relaxed, when my husband is having intercourse with me with 
his penis in my rectum. It took a long time, but I can sometimes have normal 
intercourse, with his cock inside my vagina, but he knows and I know that I 
am still nervous about it. And because it is, Rocky has learned to like it 
my way, too, because if I'm nervous, I can't really 'get with it' for him, 
and he senses it, even when I try my hardest to pretend that I am enjoying 
it. 

"We hope soon that it will work out better, so that I can learn to 
accept-perhaps even welcome-normal genital-to-genital sex. But I want to 
make it clear that we have learned to perform anal sex so that it is 
enjoyable and fulfilling. Rock is a honey-he is so understanding about it 
all. 

"I'm taking a course in self-hypnosis, so that I can eventually control this 
silly fear I have of regular screwing. I know it will work for me, because 
it is already helping some. When I have complete mastery of it, I know it 
will be the answer-though neither Rock nor I feel we have missed much from 
the sexual side of our marriage. 

"It happened a long time ago, of course. I have studied enough psychology to 
know that my hangup is emotional, and based on terror as a child. I still 
can't put those things completely out of my mind, although they are com- ing 
under control slowly. Whenever a man would try to climb on top of me, I 
would freeze. Even when Rock and I were on our honeymoon, loving him as 
crazily as I did, I just couldn't have regular intercourse. It almost 
wrecked our marriage before it had begun, and that's why I give Rocky all 
the credit, because he's a sensible man, as well as a kind and tolerant 
person, and he took the time to dig in deep-with me- to find the answers. 

"It began when I was ten. I remember it so well because that was when my 
daddy died, and inside three months, my mother had married again. She had 
been running around with Lester for a long time. I knew it, but I don't know 
if my daddy did or not. He used to come to the house days, and I saw him in 
bed with my mother a lot of times, but they didn't know it. I guess that's 
partly why I was never very close to my mother. She was always going out, 
spending way too much money on clothes and makeup. She always made up and 
dressed to look like a teenage girl, and she was only fooling herself. 
Towards the end, when my daddy got real sick and she had to go to work, she 
got to drinking a lot, and sometimes she would bring men home with her late 
at night-other men besides Lester. But Lester was the one that she went with 
the most, and the one she married. 

"I liked him at first. He was nice to me. He bought me some new clothes and 
a bike, and be- fore too long, I managed to be able to call him 'Dad.' I 
couldn't call him 'Daddy,' because my real daddy was dead, but Lester and my 
mother both wanted me to call him something besides Lester, so I tried 
'Dad.' "My mother kept on working for a while, because Les wasn't making a 
lot of money, and I knew that he had to pay money to the courts, too, 
because he had been married before and had two little boys. Mom worked in a 
cocktail lounge as a waitress, and that meant that she was away five nights 
a week, and Lester and I were alone. I was an only child, and I was dumb as 
any ten-year-old who has lost her father could possibly be. 

"Nights, when we'd watch TV, Les would take me on his lap, and to me, it 
felt good. It helped to make up for my terrible loneliness for my daddy. 
Lester was a lot younger than my daddy, but to me, he was filling the empty 
space. And with my mother working nights, I was extra lonely, so I used to 
love to get on his lap and snuggle up and watch TV with him. 

"He began to feel me and play with my pussy from the first, but I guess he 
was scared that I would tell my mother or something, because he never really 
pushed things. Just sneaky things like running his fingers around the back 
of my neck and into my ears. He could feel my reaction, and he knew it was 
making my little pussy tingle. Then he started to run his hands up in- side 
my legs, using his fingernails to scratch the inside of my thighs. Once in a 
while, he would let his fingers brush my pussy lips and I would jump and 
gasp. Pretty soon we began kissing a lot. He would kiss my ears, breathing 
hard in them to get me excited, and then he began to kiss me, real grown-up 
kisses, sticking his tongue into my mouth and sucking mine into his. It was 
new and exciting to me, and I hardly noticed when he began to run his hands 
under my panties and stick his finger up inside, playing with the lips of my 
pussy, and then gradually, working his finger up inside my cunt. 

"He would rub my knob until I would go half wild. I wanted more, but I 
didn't know what it was that I wanted. I just knew that I had a heady 
feeling, and when he would play with me long enough, I would have a strange 
but thrilling feeling all over my body, and then I'd want to kiss him more 
and have him do it again. It got so I hardly remembered even having the TV 
on. I just looked forward to those hours on his lap, getting all those kicks 
from his lips and his fingers. 

"I didn't quite know what it was all about, but I knew that he felt 
different, too, when we would kiss and play. I could feel his cock getting 
real hard rubbing itself into my ass-especially after I would take a bath 
and sit on Lester's lap in my shortie nightgown. 

"Then he would pull my nightie up and open his pants and take out his prick, 
and he would let it shove itself up between my thighs. Sometimes, when I 
would get real hot, he would try to stuff it inside my pussy from the back, 
but it wouldn't go in. I was too tight. Sometimes I would spread my legs 
wide, hoping it would go in, but he never pushed it hard enough. He would 
move his finger around inside me, and after I'd gotten the strange feeling 
that excited me so and made me feel weak and soft, he would go into the 
bathroom and stay for a few minutes and when he came out, his cock would be 
soft again. 

"I know now that he was masturbating. Once or twice, I even peeked through 
the keyhole and I could see him sitting on the john, his cock in his hand, 
his eyes closed, pumping away at it until I thought he would break it to 
bits. It got me all excited to see it, and it made me want to do something 
when I could once again feel it shoving up against my pussy and my little 
ass cheeks, while sitting on his lap. 

"We did that every night when my mother wasn't home, and Les would always 
caution me to say nothing about our 'secret' to my mother. He explained that 
she would be mad, and that she would probably whip me with a belt. My mother 
could be mean, I knew that, remembering back to the way she had treated my 
daddy-especially after he got so sick. I was afraid of her-not so much that 
she would whip me as worrying that she wouldn't let me sit with Lester like 
that and watch TV, so I kept still about it. 

"On the nights that she was home or they went out together, I would often 
play with myself. I never used anything but my fingers, but that used to 
feel awfully good, especially when I would think about Lester. I guessed 
that that was what Lester was thinking about when he would go into the 
bathroom and jerk his cock with his eyes closed. 

"I think it was about three months after he first began to hold me that it 
happened. He came home from work late that night, and he acted funny. I knew 
that he was drunk; I had seen my mother that way often enough to recognize 
the condition in Lester. 

"He wolfed down the supper my mother had left on the table for him. It was 
cold, but he didn't know the difference. I warmed up some coffee for him, 
and when I set the cup down beside him, he seemed to notice me for the first 
time. He grinned at me and grabbed me between the legs and clawed at my 
pussy! It hurt, and it scared me. Then he grabbed at one of my flat, 
undeveloped breasts and dug his fingers into the nipple! 

"I yelled in pain, and he let go. He looked me up and down-I was in my 
nightie-and snarled, 'When you gonna get some titties, Shirley? I'm sick and 
tired of waiting. I think to- night, you're gonna get it! You know what I'm 
talking about? I'm talking about you getting your first fuck!' "I was 
getting more scared by the moment, and I put the coffee on the stove and 
went into my bedroom. I shut the TV off on the way, and I could hear him in 
the kitchen, talking to himself and slurping his coffee. He was saying, 'If 
they're big enough, they're old enough. I can fit my cock into that kid. 
Maybe a little vaseline or butter. But, I've got to fuck her! I've got to!' 
"I knew what fucking was. I'd seen some drawings at school that one of the 
girls had stolen from her father, and they showed men and women on top of 
each other, with the man's prick going way up inside the woman's pussy. They 
showed a lot of other things, too, like her sucking on his cock, and her on 
her hands and knees and the man shoving his prick up her ass. They got me 
excited, but now, when Lester was saying all those things, I was just plain 
scared to death. I knew how big his cock got. I had seen it and felt it 
plenty of times, and I knew that it wouldn't go into my pussy, no matter 
what. 

"I shut my bedroom door, hoping that he would forget it and fall asleep, but 
he didn't. I heard him in the bathroom, taking a shower and swearing. I 
don't know what he was so mad about, but he seemed to be getting angrier and 
louder with his curses all the time. Once, I thought I heard him saying, .. 
that god- damned slut, putting out to everybody but me.' I didn't know what 
the word meant, or that he was talking about my mother. I just lay there 
with the covers over my head, hoping and praying that he would go on to bed. 

"I heard the door to my room open, and he switched on the light. I pretended 
to be asleep, but he knew I wasn't. He walked over to the bed and peeled off 
the covers and I knew it was no use to pretend anymore. I opened my eyes and 
looked at him. He was naked! His cock was soft and it hung down, but even 
while I looked at it, it began to get hard. He was staring down at my 
crotch. My nightie was all bunched up around my hips, and he could see my 
pussy. I wanted to try to cover it with my hand, but I was too scared to 
move. 

"I couldn't keep my eyes off his cock. It kept bobbing and jerking, until 
finally it was standing up stiff and huge, and he took it in his hand. He 
grinned down at me and said, 'You're going to take this, baby, and you're 
going to suck it and fuck it!' "I didn't see how I could even get it in my 
mouth, let alone have him shove it inside my cunt, and I began to shake and 
tears started to come to my eyes. He saw them, because he suddenly became 
less menacing. He bent over and kissed my mouth, saying, 'Come on, Shirley. 
Old Les isn't going to hurt his best girl. It won't hurt, I promise. It will 
give you the same kind of feeling that you told me you liked, when I put my 
fingers up inside your pussy-that's all-only it will be better.' "Something 
told me it wouldn't be anything like that. I just knew it would hurt, but I 
couldn't do anything. I knew that my mother wouldn't believe me, or do 
anything about it if she did. Lately, it had seemed to me that she almost 
resented me being around, and I had often thought of running away from home. 
But Les had been making life exciting, and now I felt I was all alone-that 
he was the enemy in disguise, that he had always been, really. 

"He got into bed with me and pulled my nightgown over my head, then pushed 
me back down. I could feel his hot, hard cock against my body, and even as 
scared as I was it gave me a curious sort of excitement-feeling it and being 
able to see it like that. 

"Les crawled down and spread my legs so that my pussy was wide open. He 
looked at it and then touched my clit with his finger, grinning and saying, 
"You're gonna like it, Shirl- watch!' He bent his head and began to lick the 
lips of my cunt. I began to squirm with the excitement of feeling his tongue 
on my cunt, and some of my fear left me-especially when he shoved his finger 
up inside me, deeper than he had ever done before, and at the same time, he 
began to lick my knob with long, hard strokes of his tongue. I began to get 
that same feeling I had when he fingered me, only a lot better, and I 
relaxed and spread my legs so that he could go in better. 

"He began to suck on my knob, then he would nibble it with his teeth. All 
the time he kept moaning and he dug his fingernails into my one ass cheek so 
that I could feel the sting when he broke the flesh with his nails. But I 
was concentrating on the feeling he was giving me with his mouth. I raised 
up a little so I could watch him, and that seemed to make it even more 
exciting. He was sending all sorts of new feelings up my body-even down to 
my toes. 

"Then all at once, I got that wonderful feeling where fire seemed to be 
flooding from my cunt to my whole body, and Les just sucked harder on my 
knob and ran his finger deeper into my pussy. It seemed like there were 
waves of thrills starting at my cunt, and lapping over each other as they 
swept through my whole body. Finally, I just lay back and breathed hard. I 
felt numb with the excitement, and I wasn't afraid anymore. 

"Les sat up and smiled at me. 'Now, that was good, wasn't it?' he asked. I 
just nodded, my attention on his big, fat, hard prick that he was holding in 
one hand. He was playing with it a little, like I'd seen him do in the 
bathroom, only not so hard. He kept looking at my cunt, and that sent chills 
up me, too. I guess in a way I really did want to feel his cock inside me, 
but it looked so big and scary that I was afraid he'd split my cunt in two 
with it. 

"Les pushed me back and straddled my body with his legs. Then he moved up 
high, so his balls and cock were right at my mouth. He was holding me down 
with his knees on my arms, and I could hardly move. He took his cock in his 
hand and said, 'Suck it! Put it in your mouth and suck it!' "I got scared 
again, but I couldn't do anything. He leaned forward and guided his prick 
toward my mouth. I was torn between wanting to taste it and fright that he 
would choke me with it. I opened my mouth a little, and he tried to jam it 
in all at once, but I kept my teeth closed, and he couldn't even get the 
head of it in. Then he reached down and stuck his strong fingers into the 
sides of my cheeks. It hurt, and it forced my mouth open. When I opened it, 
Les rammed his cock in hard and deep, and I just threw up-big waves of vomit 
coming from me and going all over him and the bed. 

"It scared him, but it also made him angry. He got off my body and stood 
there beside the bed, watching me finish vomiting up my supper. 

"He went and got a towel and wet it and wiped some of the stuff off the 
sheet. He went into the bathroom and washed the vomit off himself, and when 
he came back he was mad. He had grabbed a bottle of whiskey from somewhere, 
and he stood there and took big gulps of it. Finally he set it down and 
snarled, 'I said you were going to be fucked, and I mean it!' "He came over 
to the bed and his cock was hard as a rock, standing straight out. I just 
lay there, paralyzed with fear and, at the same time, with a funny kind of 
fascination as I stared at that big, round, hard prick! 

"Les climbed on the bed and got on his knees. He spread my legs wide, and 
moved up closer, his cock in one hand. He couldn't take his eyes off my 
cunt, and he grabbed one of the pillows and shoved it under my ass, to bring 
my cunt higher and closer to his cock. 

"He spread the lips of it with one hand, and with the other, he inserted the 
head of his cock into my cunt! Even the first feel of it scared me, because 
it was big and I knew I couldn't hold it all inside my pussy. I knew from 
masturbating myself that the inside of my cunt wasn't much bigger around 
than two of my fingers, and I began to be scared again. 

"All at once, he rammed it in deep, his whole weight bearing down behind the 
thrust. It was like a red-hot poker had been rammed inside me-a fat, round 
one that was breaking everything inside me into pieces. I screamed, and then 
I must have half fainted, because I can't remember too clearly the rest of 
it. I know that he was fucking me, and that every part of my body was 
screaming in pain. I know Les put his mouth down on mine to smother the 
screams, not to kiss me, and he kept pumping away until I lost all feeling 
down there. All I knew was that I was hurting, like I had never dreamed I 
could hurt! 

"I knew somehow, too, that I was bleeding terribly, and the last thing I 
remember was hearing Les saying, 'Fuck me, you little bitch, or I'll bust 
your cunt!' Then I fainted. I don't even know if he finished screwing me. I 
think he did, because the next day, when I washed out my still-bleeding 
pussy, there were traces of his come, mixed with the blood-or at least I 
think it was come. 

"I bled awfully that night, and he tried to get me out of my trance by 
pouring cold water on me, and trying to get me to drink some water. But I 
was still only half-aware of anything when my mother came home. She knew 
something was wrong, because Les had drunk the whole bottle of whiskey and 
was asleep in the living room, naked, with dried blood all over his cock and 
legs. My blood! 

"My mother was fairly sober I guess, because she came in and threw back the 
covers and looked at my bleeding pussy. She got her douche bag out and used 
warm water with some sort of antiseptic in it, and flushed out my cunt the 
best she could. I was still groggy, and she didn't ask me what happened. I 
guess it was plain enough. 

"I fell into a sleep after a long while, but I kept waking up and screaming. 
I know now that I was awakened by the noise she made when she was beating 
Les, and when the cops came and took him away after she had called them. I 
vaguely remember coming to and hearing two policemen talking to my mother in 
the bedroom where I was, but that was all. 

"Next morning, Les was gone and my mother seemed so different to me. She 
cried and held me, and kept apologizing for not being there to 'stop that 
wild animal,' Les, before he did such a rotten thing to me. She kept calling 
me her "baby girl,' and it got sort of sickening after a while, because she 
hadn't even known I was alive for the past couple of years." 

* * * 

As much research has revealed, the sex patterns of most of us are formed in 
the early stages of our lives, shaped by early experiences and family 
background. As we grow older, we experience other confusing and often 
painful sex experiences such as rejection, inability to perform to our own 
desires, frustration in early sex affairs, overindulgence in sex-hundreds of 
different things can happen that eventually bring about sex restraints. 

Sex inhibitions, which we commonly refer to as "hang-ups" in the vernacular 
of the day, are caused by only one thing: fear. 

Fear, as we understand it, need not be inspired by an incident or the 
surroundings or by another person. Many of our fears are self'-genera-ted 
and inspired; that is, we lack confidence in ourselves and allow it to grow 
until it becomes an actual fear. Thus, psychiatrists and psychologists 
concentrate on bringing their patients face to face with themselves and with 
reality. Any competent counsellor will not offer advice or give his 
solutions for a particular sex problem. Instead, he will carefully lead the 
patient down a sometimes long, winding road, to the point where they will be 
faced with the obvious answer, and be able to do something about it 
themselves. 

However, in Shirley's case, there were a set of circumstances which created 
a severe trauma with which she could not cope at her age, nor for many years 
thereafter. 

Incest is always very influential upon the sex attitudes of the youngster 
involved. However, in a great many instances, incestuous relations can be 
engaged in with a feeling of security and even love on the part of the 
child. Had Shirley been dealing with her own father, there might well have 
been a tenderness and an instinctive love on the father's part that would 
have precluded violence and the brutal ravishing that she underwent. 

Lester was not her father (though in the legal sense, most states consider 
sexual relations be- tween a stepfather and stepdaughter as incest), and he 
had not been around her long enough to build trust and deep affection, which 
could have taken the raw edge of fear out of the act. 

The relationship and lack of respect for her mother only added to the terror 
that Shirley felt, as we heard from her own lips. She felt that her mother 
did not care about her welfare at all, which, whether true or false, left 
the child feeling completely deserted and alone in the world. Nowhere in her 
account do we hear her use the word "love." When Lester began to pay 
attention to her, and to play with her sex organ, she was at least getting 
attention, and was experiencing a new and strangely fascinating sensation; 
thus, Shirley accepted Lester into her lonely, bewildered world. 

But when an act of sex is committed without any consideration, affection, or 
love being present in either person, it becomes merely an animal act of 
lust; and for a youngster like Shirley, who needed love and attention and 
consideration as an individual, it was sheer terror. 

For Shirley, her vagina became a territory of fear. She naturally associated 
pain and panic with the entry of a male penis into her vagina. Swept aside 
were all the normal joys of surrender that come to the adult woman when she 
first experiences intercourse with a lover. Under such conditions, where 
virginity is willingly sacrificed, even if some pain is involved, it is 
brushed aside and overwhelmed by the true enjoyment of giving and accepting 
a deeper love. 

Her father was dead. Her mother was a promiscuous and shallow woman. Her 
father by marriage was a brutal rapist. Little wonder that the next years 
for Shirley were a jungle of tangled emotions, and that only the salvation 
of love was able to rescue her from the morass of fear and hate that she 
wallowed in for so long. 

We fear ivhat ive do not understand, and in most cases, we hate what we 
fear. In the highly complicated mental process, we usually come to hate 
ourselves, and this feeling is the perfect breeding ground for masochism 
and/or sadism. Shirley, as we shall see, was forced by circumstances to 
become a man-hater, a self-hater, and also, in a general sense, a "people 
hater." She trusted no one. She loved no one, nor did she receive love, for 
it is difficult for most of us to love those that hate us. 

We pick up the story of the shamed, debauched and terrified Shirley. 

* * * 

"The next couple of weeks were like a dream. I guess I was in shock, because 
all I can remember is being in the hospital, talking to some policemen, and 
hurting. When I went home after a few days, there was a strange woman to 
take care of me nights. I learned later that Lester was in jail and that my 
mother had filed for divorce, which was almost automatically granted. 

"I wasn't ready to go back to school for a month, and I was as scared as a 
little rabbit. Most of the kids had read about it in the papers, and I felt 
like I was some sort of freak. I suppose I was extra conscious of it, but 
there were a few that kept asking me questions-silly girl questions-but I 
just wouldn't talk about it. I kept to myself, and gradually, it settled 
down into a lonely life. Perhaps because I was such a loner, I really 
buckled down to schoolwork and got good grades. And I got along well with 
Mrs. Wellman, the woman who stayed nights. She was an older woman, a widow, 
and she kept the house nice, so I didn't have to do any work at all, except 
keep my own room clean. 

"Then I began to menstruate and my breasts began to grow a few months after 
I was eleven, and for the first time, I began to be interested in things 
again. Boys began to notice me. Mrs. Wellman taught me how to put my hair up 
in curlers, and I even used a little lipstick sometimes. But I didn't 
date-even parties were out for me. My mother was really tough on that 
subject. She had settled down a lot. She worked long hours and she didn't 
drink as much as she had. I know now that she probably had had her fill of 
men, after Les did that to me. I didn't see much of her, except on Sundays, 
and then we never did much because she was always too tired. 

"I had an English teacher, Mr. Corwin, and he was the nicest person in the 
world. He always read my compositions in class, and he asked every day how I 
was, little things. Sometimes he would make me feel extra good by asking me 
to help him correct papers-they were from another class, but it made me feel 
ten feet tall. It got to be almost a regular thing for me to stay after 
school and help him, and he became the first man I learned to trust. He was 
so gentle and kind, and we used to talk about poetry and literature-all the 
things I was interested in. It got to be a habit that when I would leave for 
home, he would just kiss me on the cheek-innocentlike, without touching any 
part of my body. 

"Once in a while, he would put his hand on my shoulder and kiss me on the 
side of the mouth-not on the lips-just the corner of my mouth. It didn't 
excite me. It just made me feel warm and good, to know that somebody really 
was interested in me. I came to want him to kiss me on the mouth, and I 
decided that I'd be the one that would make the first move. 

"The next afternoon, when I was leaving, Mr. Corwin reached for my shoulder 
and I just ducked quickly inside his arm. I turned my body so that I was 
facing him. My breasts had grown nice and round, and I pushed them against 
his chest. He didn't have much choice, so he pulled me into his arms, my 
pussy pushing hard against his cock. I could feel it begin to get hard right 
away, and for the first time in many months, I got that funny, tingling 
feeling between my legs. 

"Then he kissed me. I opened my mouth, inviting him to stick his tongue in, 
and when he did, I sucked it hard. I began to move my hips, rubbing my pussy 
against his cock. It was pushing hard against his pants, and I let my hand 
brush it. It sent a thrill up my body, but at the same time, I felt as if a 
warning bell had gone off in my mind. "Mr. Corwin reached around behind me 
and took my ass cheeks in both his hands, digging his fingers in the soft 
flesh and pulling me even closer to his hard cock. Our tongues were 
entangled, and my arms went around his neck. We held the kiss a long time, 
with our bodies rubbing together. 

"I felt his hand moving on my ass, his fingers running up the crack until 
one of them touched my asshole. It sent a shivery thrill through me, and for 
an instant, I wasn't afraid. But then he moved his hand and tried to touch 
my pussy lips from underneath, and I broke the kiss and jumped back from 
him. 

"He was red-faced, but his tone was all apology. 'I'm sorry, Shirley,' he 
said contritely. 'Honestly, I am. I know about what happened to you, and I 
shouldn't have done that. Forgive me, please.' "I felt sorry for him. He 
hadn't really done anything I hadn't wanted him to do. I liked him a lot, 
and I didn't want our times together to stop. He was building me back up, so 
that I could be with people again, hold my head up and sometimes be proud of 
myself. 

"I said, 'It's all right, Mr. Corwin. I shouldn't have made such a big deal 
out of it. I-I really liked it.' "He looked at me and smiled, and I stepped 
close to him again. I reached up and put my arms around his neck and kissed 
him lightly. When my body rubbed against his again, he just grabbed me and 
held me close, kissing my neck and ears, and breathing hard. He said, 'Oh, 
Shirley, Shirley-I can't help the way I feel about you. I want you so, but I 
know you've been hurt, and I never want to do that to you. I just want to 
hold you, kiss you... I turned my face so my lips were against his, and we 
clung together in a deep, tonguing kiss. I started moving my hips again. It 
felt so good to be held and to feel his body so close to me. I'd been so 
lonely-so very lonely. 

"He was talking again, through the kiss. 'But it doesn't have to be like 
that, Shirley. It can be beautiful and sweet and exciting. I want to kiss 
your lovely body all over, every inch of you, and feel your lips on my body. 
I want... he broke off and held me at arm's length, looking into my eyes. 'I 
want to love you every way a man can love a woman,' he said in a husky 
voice, 'without hurt or shame or guilt. Can you believe and understand 
that?' "I could believe most of it, and I knew that with him my fear would 
be almost gone. I wanted to be with him. I wanted him to love me as he 
wanted to-I could almost feel the hot-ness of his lips on my body, on my 
breasts and my pussy, and I wanted it to come true-as soon as possible. 

"I said, 'I want that, too.' It was that simple for me. I did want him to 
kiss me and make love to me like he would a grown woman. I wanted him to 
blot out that nightmare of Lester, which had driven me into a shell of 
loneliness. 

" 'Can you come home with me-now?' he asked breathlessly. 'Can I call and 
say you have to stay, or that you have to go somewhere?' "My mind was 
racing. I only had one real friend in the whole school, Rose Grant. She had 
been to my house twice, and Mrs. Wellman knew her and liked her. She said 
Rose was a 'nice, sensible girl who wasn't boy-crazy, like most of the other 
girls were.' If I could only get Rose to call and ask if I could stay at her 
house all night, I knew it would be all right. "I told Jim, Mr. Corwin, 
about Rose, and he looked disappointed, but he smiled quickly and said, 
'Work it for tomorrow night, then.' "We agreed, and after some more long 
kisses, I went on home. I was on fire with desire. I was filled with visions 
of what it would be like to have Jim Corwin kissing my breasts and my pussy, 
and that night, for one of the few times since Lester, I masturbated until I 
had an orgasm. I kept thinking of Jim, kissing me, sucking my nipples, and 
of me playing with and then sucking his cock, and him sucking and kissing my 
cunt. 

"Rose went for the idea. She thought it was a big, intriguing adventure, 
though I didn't tell her who I was going to meet, just that it was a boy. 
Mrs. Wellman thought it would be all right. She even said she thought it was 
good for me to get out of the house once in a while, and that she would 
handle my mother; so when school was out, I walked toward Rose's house, as 
if I were going there. But a block away, I kept going, and in about ten 
minutes, Jim picked me up in front of a gas station we had agreed to meet 
at. 

"His place was nice. He had paintings and knickknacks all around the place. 
He was from Florida, and he had a lot of pictures of him water-skiing, 
diving, and swimming. We were a little ill-at-ease for a few minutes, but 
when he picked me up and carried me into his bedroom, I just melted. I was 
trembling, but it wasn't from fear. He undressed me, piece by piece, kissing 
every part he exposed as he took off part of my clothing. He kissed my 
breasts, one by one, fondling the other with his hand while he nibbled at my 
nipples with his mouth. When I was down to just my panties, he ran his 
tongue all over my stomach, even sticking it into my navel and giving me an 
extra little kick. Then he slid my panties off, and he sat there a moment, 
just eating me up with his big, blue eyes. He bent his head and placed his 
mouth on the lips of my cunt and he began to kiss them, high at first, then 
going lower and lower, sticking the end of his tongue inside and exploring 
as he went down. Then he used his fingers to spread the lips of my cunt, and 
he crawled up between my legs when I spread them wide, and he began to 
tongue my pussy, concentrating on keeping pressure and friction on my clit 
with every stroke. "I had thought that it was exciting to have Les put his 
fingers inside me and play with my knob, but Jim was a thousand times better 
with his tongue. Then he did the most surprising and thrilling thing that I 
had ever felt! He rolled me over on my stomach, spread my legs and then my 
ass cheeks, and he began to lick my asshole! He put his thumb and forefinger 
up inside my cunt and rolled my clit around, making it throb with 
excitement, and at the same time, he kept digging his tongue into my 
asshole. It was like having two different doors opened to hot, soothing 
waters, and my whole bottom part was alive with pleasure. 

"It only took me a minute to have an orgasm, and it kept coming again and 
again, in waves, until I had at least three. Jim kept up his actions until I 
collapsed completely, drained of every emotion except that good 
after-feeling that comes when you've had a really good orgasm. I didn't see 
how he could top that, no matter what he did, and I was eager to please him, 
too. 

"I rolled over and moved down and unzipped his pants. His cock was bulging 
out the front of them, and I took it out and began to skin back the 
foreskin, jerking him off. He sat up, leaning back on his hands, and I 
crawled down between his legs and began to mouth his hot prick. I tickled 
the head of it and the little pee-hole with my tongue. I washed it with my 
tongue and lips, and as he began to moan with pleasure, I shoved as much of 
it as I could manage into my mouth and down my throat. I began to suck, 
while I moved my mouth up and down on his prick, and with my other hand I 
played with his balls. 

"I was surprised how much I could take into my mouth, but then, I wasn't 
scared this time, and I wasn't being forced so that it choked me. I could 
control how deep I let it go, and I could look up and see by the hazy look 
in Jim's eyes that he was on the same cloud that I had just come down from. 

"He reached down and pushed on the back of my head, speeding up the 
movements, and I knew he was ready to come. I sucked harder and moved up and 
down on his prong, and in a few seconds I felt the hot flow of his come in 
my mouth. It felt good to be able to be that close to someone-someone who 
really liked you and wasn't an animal, and I just kept on sucking and 
swallowing, using my tongue to reach and caress every bit of his cock. Jim 
kept moaning my name, over and over, and I felt so wonderful that I just 
wanted to go on making him happy this way, forever. 

"After he had come, I made him get hard again by playing with his cock, then 
sucking on it, and he turned me around so that he could reach my cunt while 
I was sucking his cock. He told me that was the 'sixty-nine' position, and 
when I asked why it was called that he told me to imagine a figure 6 and a 
figure 9, side by side. I got the idea then. 

"He licked and sucked my cunt, using long strokes with his tongue so that he 
ended up licking my asshole each time. I sucked and tongued his cock, and 
even nibbled at it a little with my teeth, and it made him jump a little and 
moan with joy. It took both of us a little longer this time, and I came 
twice before he came once, but when it was over, Jim crawled up beside me 
and put his arms around me. He kissed my lips-and my hair, then my nipples, 
and all the time he kept saying how wonderful I was, and that I was a 'sweet 
little girl doll,'-things like that. 

It thrilled me to be loved that way, and I wished it would never stop. 

"We saw each other quite a bit after that. Mrs. Wellman never suspected a 
thing. She trusted me completely, and she also felt extra sorry for me for 
what had happened to me with Les. She was a nice old lady, and everything 
was working out good. I had all the attention and love I ever dreamed of 
with Jim, and I wasn't afraid any longer. 

"We talked about regular fucking sometimes, but he knew that I was still 
scared of it, so he gradually worked around to asking me if he could put his 
cock up my asshole. I was so in love with him by that time that I would have 
tried anything. He had been tonguing and licking my asshole from the very 
beginning, and I was becoming, so used to it that if he didn't fool with it, 
fingering or licking it, it seemed that I was being cheated out of some 
extra pleasure. 

"He told me he would use vaseline, and that if it did hurt me, I should let 
him know and he'd stop. Finally, we did try it, and it did hurt some, but he 
was playing with my clit with his fingers while he was cornholing me, and I 
hardly felt any pain. In fact, it didn't really hurt much more than when you 
have to take a shit real bad, and can't get to a toilet right away. I know 
that he didn't shove it all the way in-not that first time. He was so 
gentle, so thoughtful to see that I was being taken care of by his fingers 
on my clit. 

"I didn't even once think about Les. Jim was just too wonderful to me. He 
blotted out everything else. He took me out of the lonely world I lived in 
and made me feel important-like I was the most special thing in the world. 

"After a while, it got so that we could just tell when the other one was 
going to come, and we could hit it right on the minute-the very second, 
sometimes! 

"But I guess it must have been too hard for Jim, not being able to have me 
the way he wanted-the real way, as he always called it. He began to beg me 
to let him do it to me-to fuck me. And I wanted to, so badly, but when he 
even got me on my back and got his cock out, I froze in terror again. I 
didn't want to resist, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to be screwed by 
Jim, but it was as if there was something inside me that turned a key in a 
lock. All I could do was to lie there shaking, begging him not to. 

"I know he didn't mean to, but one afternoon Jim just lost his head. He 
began to slap me across the face, first one hand and then the other. I began 
to bleed from my nose and my lips, but I couldn't make a sound. I deserved 
it. I had pushed Jim too far for any man to be able to stop; I didn't mean 
to, but I did. I loved him. I wanted him to screw me the regular way. It was 
my fault. Or, in a way, it was Lester's fault! He did that to me! He made me 
so scared that I couldn't give Jim what he wanted-what I wanted, too! 

"I didn't mean to scream. I don't know where it even came from. He didn't 
mean to hurt me, and even if he did, I deserved it!" 

* * * 

A neighbor in an adjoining apartment heard Shirley's screams. He entered and 
pulled the dazed teacher off the girl. He was subsequently charged with rape 
and convicted, in spite of Shirley's protests in his behalf. The sentence 
was five years, and Shirley was ordered to have psychiatric care, which she 
underwent for almost five years. When she was eighteen, she left her home 
without warning and eventually came to Los Angeles, where she took a job as 
a waitress. 

It is apparent that Shirley had become a partial masochist, blaming herself 
for Jim Cor-win's fate and feeling that she deserved to be abased and 
degraded. This, of course, interfered directly with any normal relationship 
she might have had with men, and she eventually enrolled in a school of 
self-help through self-hypnosis. 

Fortunately for Shirley, she was able to master the knack of cleansing her 
mind of the inhibitions that had been put there by two men, her stepfather 
and her lover. 

In the same class was a young man named Rocco Lobello (not his real name), 
who was interested in learning hypnosis in connection with his ambition to 
become a psychologist. We shall let Shirley finish her story in her own way. 

* * * 

"I don't know when I first began to notice Rocky. When I did, I 
felt-different. I felt at ease with him. With the others in class, I felt as 
if they were all looking right through me, seeing all the fears that I still 
had and all the filth that I'd been mixed up in. But Rocky was different. He 
seemed interested in me, as a person, not as just another mixed-up chick. 

"About the third class, he asked me to have a sandwich with him after class, 
and I did. We began to date, and do you know, it was my first real date! It 
was as if we were a couple of kids, because he had been so busy working for 
his education that he hadn't had time for dates-nor the money, and even 
though I was eighteen and he was twenty-three, we acted like a couple of 
high school kids. We would hold hands while we walked along the street, or 
get two straws and one big soda-silly things like that. 

"I was concentrating terribly hard on the course, and I was making headway. 
My whole outlook was different. At work, the other girls were always telling 
me that I acted like a little mouse with the men customers-especially the 
ones that kidded a lot and asked for dates. But I was getting so I could 
talk and laugh with them, and Rocky helped me a lot. Rocky is a brain, 
anyway. 

"He only had two more years to go to get his degree, and he didn't want to 
wait that long to get married, so I agreed. But I was worried. I still 
wondered if I could give myself to Rocky all the way. I knew that he loved 
me and that I worshipped him, but I kept remembering that I had loved Jim, 
too-even though it was a young girl's 'puppy love.' It still wasn't strong 
enough to release all my love and drive the fear out. 

"I had to tell Rocky before we were married. I didn't dare risk anything as 
important as our love and marriage by leaving it to hope or chance, to be 
worked out. I told him everything, and we talked it all out. Rocky asked me 
right out if I had really enjoyed anal intercourse, and when I said I had, I 
was being honest. So, Rocky said that we would begin that way, and 
gradually, as I became more able to erase Lester and Jim from my 
subconscious and fill it with Rocky and his love, we would find the answer. 

"So we were married. Maybe it sounds kooky to a lot of people to say that we 
actually started our honeymoon knowing that we could only have anal 
intercourse, but it is true. Of course, we had oral sex, too, and we spent a 
wonderful week getting to know the feel of each other's body, our likes and 
dislikes, our nice ways and the little ones that irritated the other. Maybe 
we crammed into one week what most couples take years to accomplish, but 
Rocky said something that meant the world to me the last night of our 
honeymoon, on the plane home. 

"He said, 'Shirley, sweet, I believe with all my heart that when any act of 
love is uplifting and sweet for both partners, then it's right. This anal 
intercourse-it has been good and fulfilling for both of us. I want you to 
know that. And in a few weeks, I know that we will work out the other. In a 
way, I'm lucky. I've read case histories where males have been driven to 
prostitutes simply because they were afraid to ask their wife to satisfy 
them in some special way, like anal intercourse. We don't have that problem. 
We know that every act of love is sweet and good, and that's going to be our 
salvation.' "And it was. Inside three months, with love and patience and a 
lot of hard work on both our parts, Rocky and I were able to have normal 
intercourse, and it was so breathtakingly wonderful that I can't describe 
it. It was much more wonderful than for most couples, because Rocky and I 
had had to fight so hard for it. But it was worth it. 

"Today, we have two children, a lovely home, peace and security, and, thank 
God, no sex hang- ups. We engage in oral and anal sex often, as well as 
genital/genital intercourse. Including them all adds spice and variety to 
our love. I doubt if either of us could ever be interested in another person 
of the opposite sex-sexually, I mean. Why should we be? We have it all." 

CHAPTER FOUR 

THE CHAINS OF GUILT "I may look young, and in fact I am still a young woman, 
but I feel like I have lived fifty years, most of it in a nightmare. 

"I've learned a lot, and I'm not especially fond of telling about myself, 
because it isn't a nice story, but I hope that some young girls who are as 
cocky and dumb as I was will listen and think. I thought that I could make 
my own rules. I know now that there are certain ones that have to be lived 
up to, because they come from inside yourself. You can kid the world and 
'put on' a thousand persons, but the one person you can't ever deceive is 
yourself. 

"I suppose I'd have to be called a hippie, although I don't dress in kooky, 
dirty clothes anymore, and I don't go along with a lot of ideas about sexual 
freedom that I once did. I learned the hard way. I was a real spark plug in 
my group-a leader, a big wheel. And I thought that sex was just a trading 
commodity. If you wanted to be popular, be a leader, you traded sex for it. 
By the time I was fifteen, I had tried pot, speed, and one trip-a 
'bummer'-on LSD. Acid is not for me, and I've cut the grass habit. I do take 
tranquilizers now, but they're prescribed by a doctor, so it's okay. 

"I began to have real sex when I was fourteen. Up until then, it had been 
hot necking in drive-in movies or at the beach, you know-lots of feels, 
playing with titties, fingering pussies-all that stuff, but not all the way 
to the real thing. 

"Then I began to run with a bunch of 'fasties,'-the ones that were hip to 
grass and speed-balls. But I'm not blaming them for me getting screwed and 
sucked and ass-jammed. I was due, anyhow. I couldn't have held out much 
longer. I wanted it too bad from a couple of the studs I was running with, 
and if I hadn't given in when I did, they would have taken it whether or not 
I liked it. Especially Frankie. He was the hotshot, the leader of the bunch 
I hung around with. He was tough, and he was crazy about wheels, especially 
motorcycles. It was him that gave me my first marijuana joint, and it was 
Frankie that got my cherry. 

"I guess I'd have to say that Frankie was the first, but that same night at 
least three other guys made it with me-at least, that's what the others told 
me later. It was a kind of rule with the gang that once the leader had 
busted a cherry the girl was up for grabs-unless the leader said she was his 
only. I guess Frankie picked up the idea from the wild motorcycle gang he 
once belonged to. 

"The thing that bugged me about that whole affair wasn't the idea of having 
different guys screw me, but that all of them stood around and watched me 
getting it from everyone. They even clapped and cheered when I got on my 
hands and knees and let one of the guys 'bugger' me- screw me in the ass. I 
didn't know that was what he was going to do. I thought he was going to do 
it to me 'dog fashion' up my pussy, from the rear. That was my first 
experience with cornhol-ing, and I was half high on Maryjane, so it didn't 
really register with me much. It hurt some, but I didn't care. I was too 
glad to get into the bunch and belong. 

"I don't want to jump around too much, so maybe I'd better tell you how it 
all started. I was lucky, really, that I didn't lose my cherry a lot sooner 
than I did, because I was running with a wild bunch when I was twelve. 

"I developed early, and when I was twelve, I had a size 36 bust, and a nice, 
rounded figure. I had begun to menstruate when I was almost twelve, and I 
had lots of hair under my arms and on my pussy when I began to date. I used 
a lot of makeup, even eye-shadow and I could have passed for sixteen or 
more. I always liked the miniskirts, and I was allowed to do pretty much as 
I pleased from the time I was about eleven. Not that my parents didn't care, 
but they both worked, and they were a couple of real swingers 
themselves-drank a lot, parties two or three times a week-that kind. I don't 
know if they ever got in with any mate-swapping or sex orgies crowd, but I 
wouldn't be surprised if they did. I know that my mother cheated a little on 
the side, but I just minded my own business, and they left me alone, 
provided I brought home good grades from school. That's a real laugh to the 
kids today, because any girl who wants to can bring home good grades by 
playing up and putting out for a couple of the teachers. In the school I 
went to, most of the teachers swung right along with the kids-marijuana, 
even 'smack'-heroin, and I know that most of the kids got their LSD cubes 
from some teacher-a chemistry prof, I think he was. And screw? God, most of 
the girls over ten had had it at least a dozen times, yet, with all this 
shit going on, all most parents care about is that you don't get caught at 
anything, and that you bring home good marks on your report card. 

"So, it was easy for me to be out at most any time I wanted, as many nights 
a week as I chose-which was just about all of them. 

"I used to go for a lot of smart-alecky stuff, and I tried my first pot when 
I was eleven, my first LSD when I was thirteen, and twice, after Frankie and 
the others were getting into me regularly, I tried heroin. But it made me 
awfully sick, and I shied away from it from there on, and I'm thankful that 
I did. So many of the kids that I used to run with are hooked; it scares me 
to think that it could have been me. 

"The night I lost the whole schmier to Frankie and the rest, we were at a 
beach 'blowout.' They held them about once a month, and all the cycle clubs 
from fifty miles around used to head for this lonely stretch of beach about 
fifty miles up the coast from Los Angeles, heading for Santa Barbara. It 
wasn't so hot as a beach- stoney and gravelly, but that's what we wanted-a 
place where too many people didn't come. It was my first one, and I had been 
hoping to get invited, because I knew that everybody cut loose there, and 
that if you made it at one of the blowouts, you were 'in' for good. 

"I was hung up on Frankie anyhow, and I still don't know why-except maybe 
because he was the leader, and I always did shoot for the top. I never 
wanted the losers'-the second bananas in the bunch, so Frankie was a 
challenge to me, and he was playing it cool all the way-making me come to 
him. I didn't mind that too much. I knew that once I was in. I could swing a 
pretty big whip. I just knew it from the way the boys all tried to make it 
with me. And I let them go far enough to make them drool, then I'd cut out 
and let them masturbate or something. 

"I rode out to the beach with a guy called Lennie, and when we got there, 
there must have been over a hundred guys and girls there. They had tents, 
fires, plastic coolers of beer, and there was a lot of strong stuff there-I 
mean 'H' and LSD as well as booze. 

"When Frankie spotted me, he waved me over and we went into one of the 
tents. It was thick with the heavy smell of pot. Five or six were loading up 
on it, so when Frankie handed me a joint, I lit up and 'got it on' in a 
hurry. I smoked two sticks, and I began to glow. It was getting dark, and 
the noise began to get louder, but to me the music from the guitars and 
bongos was getting sweeter and sexier, and Frankie was looking better all 
the time. Everybody was be- coming beautiful. Bright colors all around. 

"The different clubs didn't mix too much at night, and all of our bunch was 
right around our tent, and the action was already starting. Twos and threes 
were on the gravelly beach, messing around, some naked already, and Frankie 
just grabbed me and we went outside. I was high enough already, but somebody 
shoved a bottle of beer in my hand and I began to swig away on that, too. 

"Frankie cleared a circle near the bonfire they had built, and the rest 
formed a rough circle-there were about twenty of us altogether. I was shoved 
out into the middle, and Frankie began to undress. Everybody yelled for me 
to 'take it off,' so I stripped to the buff, all the time trying to keep 
time to the sexy, 'stripper' music somebody was playing on a guitar. 
Everybody was laughing and having a good time, and it all seemed like our 
own version of a sexy Hollywood beach party movie. 

"I really had no idea what I was supposed to do after I stripped, so I just 
stood there, swaying and shaking my hips and breasts in time to the music. 
Then Frnakie came out and stood beside me. He had on only a pair of ragged 
blue jeans, and he kept clapping in time to the music, his eyes glazed with 
pot, and he kept encouraging me to 'do your thing, baby.' "I could see that 
he was getting a hard on by the big bulge in the front of his jeans, and I 
was getting a new and special kick out of all the encouraging remarks I was 
getting from the onlookers, even though some of the cracks were a little 
dirty. The guys kept urging Frankie to 'fuck up a storm,' and after a few 
minutes, he stripped off his pants and let them fall. 

"When they saw his rigid cock standing out straight, they all laughed and 
cheered. Frankie stood there, his hands on his hips, his cock pointing at 
me. 'Down on it, baby,' he commanded. At first, I didn't quite grasp what he 
meant. I was too hazy and mixed up from the Maryjane I'd inhaled. But 
Frankie made it plain. He snarled this time. 'Gobble it! Suck me off!' he 
ordered, a hard look coming to his face. 

"I'd gone too far to back out, even if I had wanted to, which I didn't. I 
was as high on the excitement and the sexy adventure as I was on marijuana, 
and I didn't want to lose any face with the gang, now that I was close to 
being taken into the inner circle. So I dropped to my knees in front of 
Frankie and took his rod in my hand. I licked the head of it, and when I 
opened my mouth and began to suck it and play with it with my tongue, 
everybody cheered and made smart-aleck remarks. Frankie reached down and 
grabbed my hair and the back of my head and pulled me in close, shoving his 
cock deep into my throat. It gagged me for a second, but I drew back and let 
him more or less control the motions. He began to shove it faster all the 
time, and all at once I felt a big surge of hot, wet liquid shoot into and 
fill my mouth. All I could do was swallow it, Frankie held my head so 
firmly. The gang cheered every move I made, it seemed, and I kept on sucking 
Frankie's cock, so it never did go soft. 

"Then he flopped me back on the gravelly sand and got between my knees. He 
supported his weight with one hand and with the other he guided his prick 
into my hot slot. When the head of it went in, he collapsed his full weight 
on me, and it shot his cock up inside me to its full length. It hurt a 
little, but it thrilled me a lot more than it hurt. I was wet and slimy from 
being worked up sucking his prick, and after he moved his ass up and down a 
few times, jamming his cock home to the hilt with each stroke, it began to 
get to me. 

"Frankie wasn't paying any attentionto whether I was coming or not. It was 
old stuff to him, but it was my first fuck, and I tried hard to cooperate 
with him, yet enjoy a good come, too. I wanted him to kiss me and say 
something nice, but he didn't. He just grunted like an animal, while the 
others jeered and whistled. I did manage to come just before he did, but it 
wasn't what I had hoped it would be. It wasn't much better than 
masturbating, because his weight was so heavy on me, and he was really 
ramming it home hard and deep at the end. When I felt him shoot a load of 
goop into my cunt, I was al- most relieved. But I was still worked up. I 
hadn't had a real orgasm-the kind I'd heard other girls talk about, the kind 
that made you happy all over. But I knew that once I'd made it with Frankie 
I'd have plenty of screwing from him and some of the others. I didn't think 
it would come as quickly as it did, though. 

"Frankie lay on his back, after he had rolled off me, and jerked on his cock 
to keep it stiff. He yelled over to a guy named Jilly to join in. Jilly was 
a big guy, sort of chubby, but tall, with a big, bushy beard and moustache. 
He walked over and dropped his jeans, and I saw that he had a cock that was 
even bigger than Frankie's was. It was stiffening as he began to jerk it, 
and in a minute or two, while he stared at my open cunt, it got as hard as a 
handlebar. 

"Frankie called to me, 'Come over here, baby, and squat down on my prick.' I 
went over and lowered my body so that he could guide his cock up into my 
pussy, and when it was firmly in, Frankie pulled me forward so that I was on 
top of him, and his cock was deep inside me. 

"He motioned to Jilly and he came and knelt between our spread legs. I still 
didn't have any idea what they were going to do, and maybe if I had, I'd 
have run for my life. Without any warning, Frankie reached down to my ass 
cheeks and gripped one in each hand, his fingers spreading them wide apart. 
He gave a couple of shoves with his cock, and then I felt Jilly's beard 
scratching my neck and his weight felt heavy on my back. The next sensation 
I had was just plain torment. Jilly took his cock and jammed the rigid prong 
up my asshole, putting all his weight on the thrust! All I could do was 
scream, but the others just cheered and Frankie was grinning up at me like a 
jackass braying. 

" 'This is called the "sandwich," baby,' Frankie laughed, and I felt as if I 
was on fire in my whole lower body as Frankie thrust his cock upward into my 
cunt and Jilly drove his cock home deep into my sore, aching asshole! I had 
lost all sensation, and even the fog of the marijuana was disappearing in a 
gust of pain that seemed to gradually cover my whole body and mind. I 
couldn't think of anything except how much I hurt, and how I wanted to get 
this torment over with. 

"Jilly must have come first, because Frankie was still pumping away when 
Jilly crawled off me. He got a dirty handkerchief from his jeans and wiped 
his cock off. Then he joined the others, watching Frankie finish his come. I 
was aware that Jilly was making comments about what a delicious asshole I 
had, and the others agreeing that I was taking it good, and just as I felt 
the hot juice squirt into my cunt, I think I fainted. I had never passed out 
on pot before, so it must have been pure pain that knocked me out. 

"The next thing I remember, I was lying on my back inside the tent, which 
was filled with guys and girls, all smoking a joint. When they noticed I had 
come to, someone handed me a stick, and I began to puff on it. I smoked two 
sticks, and it numbed the pain in my ass a little. I must have slept, 
because when I awoke, I was cold, and the tent was empty. I crawled to the 
front and looked out, and there were only a few of the guys left. Frankie 
and Jilly weren't there, nor were any of the girls who had come with us. 
There were two guys, both sound asleep on the ground-or passed out from pot 
and beer-so I just went back to sleep, still hurting badly. I had an idea 
that some of the others might have fucked me while I was unconscious, 
because even my cunt was sore. 

"At daylight, one of the guys woke me, and they packed the small tent. One 
of them took it on his cycle while the other one carried me as a passenger. 
The sharp wind in my face helped clear my head, but the soreness didn't work 
out of my body for several days. I squirted warm salt water up my asshole 
and my cunt, and it seemed to help a little. The more I thought about it, 
the lousier my 'cherry-busting' seemed to have been. But that was it. I was 
now a member of the gang, and once I had healed, I knew that I would be able 
to really enjoy way-out sex. I didn't know if I would ever get used to being 
fucked in the asshole, but I changed my mind about that, as you'll find out. 
But at the time, if anyone had told me that I would one day want ass-fucking 
more that any other kind, I'd have bet they had rocks in their head. 

"I stayed clear of them for a week, and finally Frankie stopped me outside 
school and asked me if I'd turned chicken. When I told him I'd had a lot of 
schoolwork to do, he just smirked. He knew I was lying, so he put me on the 
spot and told me there was going to be another sex brawl on Saturday. He 
told me to be there, and it wasn't just an invitation, it was an order. 

"I hitched a ride with one of the guys, and the second session was an exact 
duplicate of the first, except that this time I didn't get so loaded on pot, 
and the party only included our own gang. But the action was hot and heavy, 
and a lot freer. For the first time, I had a girl go down on me and several 
of the guys sucked each other off. I didn't know if I was ready for the 
bisexual bit, so I begged Frankie to just let me have the 'straight stuff,' 
with guys only. 

"Not that it felt bad when the girl sucked my pussy, but I just felt dirty 
afterward. 

"I know now that screwing me in front of everybody was just the gang's way 
of showing they were big shots-to gain 'face' before the others who were 
looking on, cheering and laughing; but at the time, it seemed to be a big 
kick to me. I felt elated from the marijuana, and I had a heady, powerful 
feeling from the fact that I could satisfy so many of the boys in the group. 

"Later, of course, when I sobered up and had time to think-and, 
incidentally, to realize how sore my asshole and my pussy were, it took on a 
different tone. I realized that I had given up my cherry in a wild orgy and 
that I really hadn't enjoyed it, or hardly realized it was going on. 

"I felt ashamed, in a way, but not for the straight fucking, or the 
cock-sucking I had done, but oddly, I felt ashamed of the ass-fucking. I 
think it was because of the fact that several of the guys went two ways-they 
were bisexuals. They would screw a girl, either in the cunt or up the ass, 
then turn right around and fuck another guy in the asshole. They would leave 
a girl's pussy, after eating it, then go right to a guy and suck his cock. 
All this part of the orgy bothered me a lot. I realized that I still wanted 
to be screwed by a guy who really cared something about me-who would want my 
needs to be fulfilled. 

"I went on a few more of the gang's outings, and they usually ended up in 
wild sex brawls. It disturbed me a bit, because before I could do anything 
with any of the guys, I had to get high on something, and I was worried that 
while I was floating on a marijuana cloud, or was high on LSD, some smart 
ass would inject me with the heavy stuff, or convince me to sniff some of 
it. I saw too many of the hooked suckers to want to go that route, and when 
I tried to get Frankie to have just regular dates with me someplace where we 
would be alone, he just laughed. He sneered, 'Look, baby, you're just one of 
a stable of cunts now. You ain't special enough to keep me interested. Maybe 
some of the other guys might like the idea, but not Frankie.' "It was 
humiliating, of course, and I just dropped out of the gang completely. A few 
of them called me to see what was the matter, and I just lied and said that 
I couldn't get out any more to go with them. 

"I told you before that some of the teachers were in with the kids, and even 
supplied them with pills, marijuana, and LSD. It was my wanting to get some 
grass that brought me to Jay. Jay was a swinging teacher at school. He drove 
a flashy sports car, wore wild clothes and he even fought the battle of the 
beards in our school. He and another male teacher grew long beards, and when 
the principal squawked, they stood their grounds. It made the paper, but in 
the end, the school board said it was their right to choose to either shave 
or not shave, as long as they kept the beards trimmed and clean. 

"Anyhow, when I tried to get some grass from one of the girls in the gang, 
she told me that Jay had all anyone would ever need, and that he was also a 
good guy to swing with. She said he was a real lover who knew all the ways 
to turn a girl on and then take her on a 'sex trip' that beat anything she'd 
ever tried. 

"That's how I met Jay, and in the doing, shook the gang of acid-heads and 
sex freakouts. I also met the first man I ever loved. 

"He was a physical education instructor and he also coached the track and 
football teams, and he was all man. He had muscles that wouldn't quit, cUrly 
hair and nice white teeth, and when he looked at a girl, it was like he was 
laughing inside at some private joke. 

"I waited outside his office one afternoon when I knew he didn't have any 
practice sessions scheduled, and after making sure he was alone, I walked in 
and asked flat out if he'd let me have some grass. 

"He laughed and replied, 'Now, what makes you think I have any grass, or if 
I did have, that I'd sell?' "I reeled off four or five names of kids that 
had said he peddled it, and he laughed again. 'I'm getting quite a 
reputation,' he said. 'Did any of the girls tell you that I had a special 
deal for good-looking chicks-like you?' "I smiled back at him and I guess he 
could see by my eyes that I was impressed with his body and good looks, as I 
shook my head no. 

"Jay stood up, letting his eyes rove up and down over my body like he was 
undressing me. 'I heard a little about you, honey,' he leered. 'I think 
you'll like my deal.' I knew he must have heard about the sex orgies with 
the gang, and I guess I blushed, though I don't know why. 

" 'So, suppose you meet me tonight at seven-thirty, and we'll have our own 
little pot party?' The leer seemed to be his permanent feature. 

" 'Fine,' I smiled back, trying to act nonchalant, as if I were used to 
being propositioned every day by a grown man. He told me to be in front of a 
gas station a couple of blocks away from the school, and he was right on the 
dot, although I was so eager to find out what he was like sexually I showed 
up a little after seven. 

"We got going right away. His place was a long way from the school, in a big 
apartment building that had a pool and game room and all the other fancy 
gimmicks that the 'swinging singles' apartments have today. His apartment 
was nicely furnished, but it looked and smelled masculine. I was wearing 
only a miniskirt and blouse, with no bra, and I could almost feel his eyes 
boring into my nipples. He broke out a couple of sticks of grass, and we sat 
on the couch and smoked, holding each puff in our lungs for a long time, and 
exhaling it slowly. I began to feel good right away, and when he put his arm 
around me and touched my breast, I almost caught fire from the tingling, 
electric shock. I was really turned on for him long before I smoked the 
grass, and just his touch and his mouth so close to mine made me want to 
peel right then and get down to the business of fucking. 

"He unbuttoned my blouse and began to play with the nipple of one breast. 
Then he took the blouse off and while he massaged and rolled one nipple 
around with his fingers, he sucked and nibbled on the other with his mouth. 
Remember, I wasn't used to this kind of sex, and it really got my pussy 
flaming hot. 

"When he reached up under my skirt and began to play with my pussy, I 
couldn't stand it any longer. I reached out and grabbed his head and pulled 
his mouth down to mine and we sucked tongues while he began to shove his 
finger up inside my cunt until he found my clit and began to play with it. 

"I could hardly wait for him to take my panties off, and when he did, he 
also slipped off his own pants and shorts, then his shirt, and we were both 
naked, our eyes devouring the other's body from top to bottom. 

"His prick was hard and big, and when I touched it, he moved close to me. I 
was sitting on the couch, and his cock moved to within three inches of my 
mouth. I knew he wanted it sucked, and I wanted to taste it and feel it in 
my mouth, so I reached out and began to play with his balls with one hand; 
with the other I held his cock at the base and guided it into my hot, wet 
mouth. I used my teeth and tongue and lips, and I sucked and nibbled until I 
knew he was going to come in my mouth. He had my head in both his hands, 
sort of guiding the tempo of my head-bobbing, and when he shot into my 
mouth, he held my head so hard against his body that I couldn't have spit 
out his come if I had wanted to. I just swallowed it, while he moaned with 
pleasure. He mumbled, 'Get me hard again, baby,' so I kept on sucking and 
biting and in a minute, he had another good hard on. He pushed me away, 
laying me down on the couch and spreading my legs. 

"He began at my breasts and he worked his tongue and mouth over every inch 
of my body- my stomach, breasts, thighs, even my feet! He was getting me so 
hot that when he began to ream out my asshole with his tongue, I almost 
came. But I wanted to wait. I wanted to have his cock up inside me, and I 
just begged him to 'fuck me right.' "When he spread my legs and climbed on 
me, I reached down and guided his prick up between my cunt lips and he 
reached behind me and took my ass cheeks in both his hands and he began to 
pump. He wasn't rough like the gang had been, but he was an expert, because 
with every plunge of his prick, he rubbed my clit solidly, then a split 
second later I could feel his lovely cock touching deep inside the walls of 
my love-box, then his prong would massage my clit again on the way out. 

"Meantime, he had worked his hand around so that one of his fingers was 
going in and out of my asshole, and it made me hit the peak of my explosion 
that much quicker. I came, and I could tell that he hadn't, so he kept on 
shoving his cock in and out, speeding up the motions all the time until at 
last we were in perfect rhythm, just letting our bodies take over. We came 
at the same time, and I even had a third orgasm a few seconds after Jay 
came, while he was easing up in his motions. It was as different as day is 
from night, compared with the gang-banging that had been my only other real 
sex experience, and I just wanted to lie there and feel his prick inside me, 
forever. 

"He kissed me on the mouth and told me that I was a wonderful lover. He 
didn't use any of the gutter language that the gang guys had, and it 
thrilled me to my heels. Then, almost before I knew what he was doing, he 
slid down and began to kiss and suck my pussy again. I was so excited over 
him that I came quickly, and while I was still gasping and moaning with 
pleasure, he rolled me over and pulled me up so that I was on my hands and 
knees, and then he guided his prick up inside my throbbing cunt and began to 
fuck me from the back. It was groovy, because his prick went in so much 
deeper, and he had one hand underneath my body and was sticking a finger up 
inside my pussy and playing with my clit. It was almost as good coming that 
way as from the front, and when he came he let go my clit and slammed his 
cock into me so deep that I could feel his balls slapping against my pussy. 
He was so deep that it hurt a little, and I yelled, but it was mostly from 
joy, and not the little bit of pain I had. 

"We stopped after that and smoked another joint. I just couldn't take my 
eyes off him, and while we smoked I kept playing with his prick, getting it 
hard again, and sucking it a little. He was fingering my pussy and playing 
with my nipples, and the whole world around me seemed to be filled with 
beautiful people with beautiful, stiff cocks. 

"We topped off that evening by sucking each other off at the same time, and 
I didn't want to leave him. I had a glow on from the grass, but I knew that 
half of the heady feeling I had came from Jay and his wonderful sex-stick, 
his lips and hands. I just couldn't think of anything else, and I 
masturbated twice before I went to sleep that night, thinking about all the 
wonderful, exciting things he had done to me. I was in love-not just 'puppy 
love,' but really, truly, deeply in love. I just couldn't bring my thoughts 
to bear on anything or anyone else. I really had it bad. 

"Next day, I just had to sneak down to see him, and it was hard not to let 
all my love show. He smiled, and there was a special little something in his 
eyes that told me that he felt the same way, and nobody else saw it, I'm 
sure. I managed to slip him a little note asking when we could do it again, 
and he whispered, 'To- night, same time, same place,' when he walked close 
to me. 

"It was like being on a merry-go-round of sex for the next couple of weeks. 
I was with Jay every night but two, and we had such wonderful sex. We did it 
every way but inside out, and each time seemed to be more exciting for me 
than the last. 

"Jay began to worry about somebody catching wise to us, seeing so much of 
each other, and he said we would have to cool it a little. He even laughed 
and said, 'Besides, I'm not a sex machine like you.' "I didn't know then 
that he was seeing some other girls, or I would have called him a liar, 
because to have sex with them after the sessions we had in the early 
evenings, he'd have had to have been a sex machine. 

"But at the time, nothing could spoil my rosy-colored world. I was walking 
on the clouds, as if I were on a perpetual 'trip' and I never wanted to come 
down to earth. 

"But when I did, I hit with a thud! It suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't 
menstruated for two months! I began to panic and I did all the silly things 
that other girls told me would make me have a miscarriage. I took hot 
mustard baths; I jumped up and down a hundred times; I got some kind of 
brown liquid from one of the girls and took that, but nothing changed. I 
still wasn't menstruating, and I finally got so scared when it began to show 
a little that I had to tell Jay. I was afraid-afraid that he'd turn away 
from me, but he didn't. He took it pretty calmly and said he wished I had 
told him sooner, but I couldn't help it, because I'd been 'out of this 
world' with joy and love for him. It sounds stupid, I know, but I just 
didn't even think of it. 

"He said we'd have to work an abortion, and he would arrange for it within a 
few days. I was pretty scared, but I had no choice, I had to trust Jay and 
take my chances with an abortion. What was bothering me more than anything 
was Jay's attitude. He was cool at first, and as the days passed and he 
wasn't able to arrange anything, he got crabby and snappish with me. He 
would grumble, 'Don't bug me, goddamnit! If you weren't so goddamned stupid, 
we wouldn't be in this mess!' "He was blaming me! All I had done was be 
crazy about the guy, and he was abusing me just because I had given him all 
the sex he wanted! And I was scared that my mother would notice, A couple of 
the girls at school were looking at me with a knowing sneer, and I knew I 
had to do something quick. Jay was the only one I could turn to for help, 
and he was getting angrier and angrier. I began to be sick often, throwing 
up and nervous, trying to hide the real reason from everyone, and finally I 
called Jay and told him that unless he did something fast, I was going to 
have to tell my parents. 

"That shook him up pretty good, and he called me to his office the next day 
and told me that he had lined up an abortionist who would do the job on the 
following Sunday. 

"On Sunday, I told my parents I was going to the beach, which turned out to 
be almost the truth, because Jay picked me up and drove to the waterfront. 
In a dingy section that had only some smelly, broken-down fishing boats and 
a couple of houseboats, he took me onto this cruddy looking houseboat. The 
doctor-if he was a doctor-was Mexican, and he had a small room fixed up like 
a clinic. Just an examining table, some anklets on slings from the low 
ceiling, and a cabinet of instruments. The place smelled like hell, and I 
got more scared every minute, while Jay paid the guy in advance. 

"He gave me a shot, and that's all I remembered for a long time. He must 
have put me on the table and fastened my ankles with the slings and then 
began his butchery-and that's the word for it. 

"When I came to, I was in Jay's car and I was on fire with pain. I was 
actually delirious, because I can't remember much of what happened. I don't 
recall anything that Jay said or did, but I finally ended up in a hospital. 
Jay only took me to the door and saw that I made it into the hall, and then 
he panicked and ran. I remember fainting and falling, and then nothing. I 
came to the next afternoon, and my mother was sitting beside me, a sick 
expression on her face. 

"I hadn't had any identification on me, but my parents had notified the 
police that I was missing, and the hospital notified the police that they 
had an unknown teenager who had had an illegal abortion performed. 

"I stayed in the hospital for two weeks, that's how bad the bastard had 
carved me up. An infection had set in, and for a while it was touch and go 
as to whether I would make it or not. Most of the time when I was awake, I 
wished I wasn't. My mother and a police matron kept questioning me about who 
had done the job, and where-and my mother kept hammering me about who had 
gotten me pregnant. I got the idea that she was more interested in revenge 
than in my physical condition, so I got stubborn and wouldn't talk at all. 

"When they finally released me, I found that Jay had gone. He had resigned 
and just left, with no forwarding address or anything. I guess I cried real 
tears for the first time in my life, but it was partly tears of shame and 
anger, as well as a lonesome, lost feeling. My parents were cold and my 
father hardly spoke to me. They enrolled me in a private girls' school, and 
I finished my high school there. 

"I had a lot of lesbian offers, but I was frozen inside toward sex-with 
males or females. I studied hard and got good marks, and when I graduated, I 
talked my parents into sending me to college in a town a hundred miles away, 
where I studied art. I picked up some money to help pay my way by posing 
nude for classes, and sometimes for photographers for some of the men's 
magazines that feature semi-nude models. 

"I met Harry there. He was an art student, and the sweetest guy in the 
world. I guess I loved him from the beginning, but I felt ashamed and 
afraid, for I couldn't see how any man would want to touch me, once he found 
out what I'd been-a cheap gang-banger with a pussy all carved up by an 
abortionist. 

"But as Harry grew more serious, and finally asked me to marry him, I had to 
do a lot of thinking. I wanted him so badly as a husband and as a lover, but 
I was too gun-shy. I still remembered the empty feeling I'd had when I found 
that Jay had deserted me when I needed him most. And I knew that I had some 
bad psychological scars from him, from the motorcycle gang, from smoking 
pot, and mostly, from the abortion. I almost wanted to just run away, so I 
couldn-'t hurt Harry. I loved him too much." 

* * * 

From a psychological viewpoint, it is easily understood why Peggy reacted as 
she did to her harrowing experiences. Barely into her teen years, she had 
been debauched shamefully by the gang of immoral punks with whom she 
associated-so much so, in fact, that she was fair game for any male who 
would treat her with any degree of gentleness, or show her the slightest 
consideration in the performance of the sex acts. 

That she was in love with Jay is doubtful. It was more of a natural 
infatuation for an older, gentler man, and when he deserted her, she began 
to feel the shame and anger that she used as a wall to keep out her parents 
and all others who might have been able to help her at the time. In a sense, 
it was miraculous that she did not turn to lesbianism, as many other girls 
have, simply because of a deep mistrust and hatred of males, after being 
used and abused the way she was. 

However, when she did find a truly decent man, she had developed a severely 
punishing case of paranoia and she had strong masochistic tendencies, 
feeling that she deserved all the torment she was undergoing. As Peggy 
matured in her thinking, she became more and more ashamed and withdrawn; 
thus, when she met Harry, she was in an in-between world of love (for him) 
and hate and distrust for all other males-and most females, because of her 
revulsions toward lesbianism. 

Unlike many girls, Peggy realized that time was running out on her if she 
were to straighten out her life and hope to find any real happiness. 

Thus, when she admitted to herself that she had been living in a nightmare 
world of sex and drugs, and that at last a man had appeared who loved and 
wanted her for herself and not just for her sexual companionship, she 
decided to make a clean breast of it to Harry, and take proper steps to 
regain psychological normalcy, However, it wasn't an easy task. There were 
many weeks and days of torment, as Peggy relates it. 

* * * 

"I knew that Harry wanted me, and I finally found the key that unlocked my 
own desires again, but I couldn't open my frozen sex up. I had a real fear 
hangup, and yet I couldn't tell Harry about it. We used to make wild love 
almost every night, and we both wanted to go all the way, but it almost 
turned into a tragedy before I had the courage to tell him all about the 
crummy people that had helped make me a sexy ice cube. "After we talked 
about marriage and set a time-after Harry had found a good commercial 
artist's job-we were more free with each other. We almost felt like we were 
married, and when I would dream and fantasize about screwing and sucking 
him, I just couldn't break down that wall. I masturbated like mad, but I 
couldn't even come. 

"One night, after Harry had sold a painting for a good sum, we celebrated 
with champagne and I got pretty glowing. I decided that I wanted to make a 
stab at sex, and I just came right out and told Harry, 'I want you to have 
intercourse with me,' trying to be real ladylike and adult about it. 'But 
first,' I said, 'I want you to kiss me all over my body, and let me kiss 
you. I want us both to be sure that we are going to be able to completely 
satisfy the other's needs in the sex department.' "Harry didn't need any 
urging, and there was no real prudishness about him. It was just that we 
both wanted our marriage to be so wonderful that we had waited-or at least 
that was Harry's reason. I had posed nude for him many times, and he had 
kissed by breasts and played with them, but that was about as close to 
fucking or anything that approached the real thing that we ever did. Anyhow, 
I stripped, and Harry took off all his clothes. 

"We danced-believe it or not. We put on a slow, dreamy record and we danced, 
holding each other real close. It took Harry only a couple of minutes to 
come up with a good hard on. He was so wonderful with me. Every touch was a 
love gesture, and he was murmuring wonderful love words to me all the time, 
kissing my eyes, my hair and ears-giving me all the kind of love I'd only 
dreamed about for so long. 

"When he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, I was sure that I'd 
won the battle inside me. His hands set me afire and his lips and tongue 
were like hot, exciting flames shooting into my body. I lay on the bed, my 
legs spread, watching as Harry moved over my breasts and stomach with his 
lips, tongue, and teeth. Finally he spread my legs wider, then the lips of 
my cunt and I felt his tongue slip in-and yet, in a way, I couldn't feel it. 
I mean, I felt it with my cunt-but nothing else. I felt it physically, but 
it didn't do anything to me, anymore than my masturbating had done. It was 
like I was two persons, split apart, unable to merge into one body. One 
wanted. Harry so desperately, but the other kept pushing him away, and 
seeing other faces and bodies in his place. 

"I tried to tell myself I was being childish-that I couldn't get pregnant 
from his sucking and licking my cunt, but it didn't help. Finally he sensed 
that I wasn't responding at all, and he drew back and lay beside me, 
fondling my breasts and my ass cheeks, while he asked me what he was doing 
wrong! When he asked that, sounding so forlorn, blaming himself for my 
rottenness, I began to cry. That's all I could do. 

"He held me like a little girl, not sexy, just lovingly, and at last I was 
able to stop, and I tried to tell him-to pour it all out. But it took a long 
time-a lot of nights-and that night all I could do was to ask him to be 
patient with me. I did try to suck him off, but he just couldn't respond. He 
was beginning to have guilt feelings, and we discovered later that it made 
him a little impotent at the time, before he discovered that he wasn't at 
fault at all. 

"We kept trying, and one night poor Harry was so frustrated that he was 
moaning in pain. He had had a hard on for almost an hour, and all I could do 
was play with it a little. I tried to suck it, but Harry had built a sort of 
aversion to it. He was bullheaded. He wanted to prove to me, but mostly to 
himself, that we could have good sex-the regular way, and fulfill the honest 
love we did have for each other. 

"It was Harry that finally made the breakthrough. He couldn't help himself, 
poor guy. He was all stiff and I was lying on my stomach, and he was trying 
to put his cock in my pussy from the back. I had some crazy notion that, if 
I didn't see it, and tried not to think about the other times, it would 
work. But it didn't. My pussy just tightened up and every muscle that had 
anything to do with it seemed locked. Harry tried and tried to force his 
cock inside my cunt, but it just wouldn't work. All at once, I heard him 
say, 'Forgive me, Peggy... forgive me, but I've got to... I've got to!' "A 
second later, I felt his cock beginning to go up my asshole! It hurt a 
little at first, but when I heard Harry begin to moan with pleasure, and 
felt him settle into the rhythm he needed, I was so happy that I just lifted 
up so he could go in deeper, and I moved my hips to try to cooperate with 
every thrust he made. It didn't particularly excite me, but it thrilled me 
to hear Harry groaning, 'You're so wonderful... so tight and sweet... please 
forgive me... and for the first time, I felt that I was really giving him 
what he needed so badly and what I wanted to give... sexual thrills and 
satisfaction. I was so aware of my love for him at that moment, that when I 
felt his hot juices shoot up my asshole it made me feel like a woman. That 
may sound funny, but it's the straight truth! 

"After he had come, Harry shuddered with joy and collapsed on my body, his 
cock still inside my asshole. He kept mumbling over and over, 'Forgive me, 
sweet, please... please... I had to!' "But it was the first opening of the 
door, and we were able to talk, at last. I asked him if he felt guilty or 
'dirty,' doing it that way. He told me a hundred times that it was 
wonderful, and that he felt as I did, that anything which pleases two people 
in the sex line couldn't be wrong, evil, dirty or perverted. It could only 
be good. 

"I was able to tell him a little about why I froze when he attempted to have 
normal genital-to-genital intercourse. I left out a lot of the details, but 
I did tell him that I had gotten pregnant, panicked, and had an abortion. Of 
course, it hurt Harry, but it didn't change his feelings for me. In fact, he 
became more under- standing as we went along. 

"We engaged in anal intercourse often after that night, and gradually we 
worked it out so that Harry could reach around or underneath me while I was 
on my hands and knees and massage my clit as he entered my asshole with his 
cock. It took quite a few weeks of trying before I was able to have even a 
halfway good orgasm, but I began to see a psychiatrist, and inside a month 
we were working it out pretty well. 

"When I was ready at last, it was so simple I don't know why I even had to 
have it pointed out to me, but then, a stranger can see things objectively. 
The answer was there all the time, if I'd only not been so frightened of 
pregnancy. 

"Although I was cut up pretty badly by the abortionist, I was still 
perfectly able to have children. We had talked about that, and Harry and I 
were in agreement that we did want a small family. Finally, I reached the 
point in my analysis where I could tell myself, and believe, that I didn't 
care if I got pregnant by Harry-even before we were married. I loved him. He 
loved me. We both wanted children. It was that simple! 

"I had learned a workable form of self-hyp-nosis, and finally I was able to 
put myself in a state of not only accepting normal intercourse, but actually 
wanting it. When Harry worked me up to it by kissing me on almost every inch 
of my body, I was shivering with the need and desire for his cock inside my 
cunt, and when he got on top of me, we both were delirious with need and 
joy. We kept up a constant stream of kisses, sweet words and soft touches, 
and when Harry slid his prick inside my cunt lips and I felt it begin to rub 
my clitoris, it was like I'd never had another man! It was as if I were a 
virgin, giving my full love for the first time to my man-and in my 
subconscious mind, that was exactly what was happening! 

"We've been married three years now, and we have a little boy. We want a 
girl some day, but meantime our lives are so full of happiness that we can 
wait. Our marriage is ideal, because we have no hangups of any sort. We 
often have anal intercourse, because I know that it is a treat for Harry, as 
a change. But usually, we begin by arousing each other by fellatio and 
cunnilin-gus, and sometimes we go on until we both come that way. But it 
often ends with just plain, old-fashioned fucking. We don't use the same 
positions always. We have discovered that variety is the spice of sex life, 
and we try everything that either of us suggests. If it isn't just right for 
both, we discard the idea for the future. 

"I can't say I'm glad that it all happened the way it did, but I feel that 
since we've worked it out I'm a much fuller woman. Harry says that I am the 
most perfect sex partner a man could ever ask for, and I know from sad 
experience that he is the perfect man to share my bed and body and my life. 
I can't ask for more. 

"As to anal intercourse, it was a lifesaver for me, and since I've been able 
to analyze it calmly, I can see why a man would enjoy it once in a while. A 
woman's pussy does get larger, and I become extremely lubricated when Harry 
excites me, which makes for less friction for his prick. But my asshole is 
still tight, Harry says, and there is no problem when he feels in the mood 
for anal intercourse. I can come while he masturbates me and ass-fucks me, 
and there is a special inner satisfaction that a woman feels when she knows 
for certain that she is pleasing her man in every sex act that they perform. 

"I'm a strong believer in the importance of sex satisfaction for a good 
marriage. Harry and I fight sometimes, but it always ends with our bodies 
joined, because, sometimes, the words won't come out-they get jammed up at a 
pride barrier-but our bodies can't lie to each other. We know, when we are 
joined, how much love can be told by any sex act, if two persons truly want 
to love and be loved?" 

CHAPTER FIVE 

A CHOICE OF EVILS "I wanted to become a nun when I was a little girl. My 
ideal was one of my teachers in parochial school, Sister Mary. She was so 
pretty, so happy and alive, that I used to think she was the ideal woman-the 
one that I wanted to pat- tern myself after when I grew up. 

"But when I turned twelve, and my body began to develop-curves making my ass 
and my hips attractive, my breasts becoming nice and round, with pretty pink 
nipples, and my face beginning to seem pretty-I began to take a second look 
at myself, inside as well as outside. I guess I was vain, but I didn't want 
to cover up my pretty body and my long, black hair. I liked the way the boys 
used to eye me from head to foot; some of them used to make grabs for my 
breasts and ass. Some of them were more sneaky-but they got in their feels, 
and I got goose pimples on my arms and neck, especially when one of them 
touched my pussy, even though it was only through my dress. 

"But I had a rough time every time I would feel myself getting hot. My 
conscience would bother me. Remember, I was thinking of becoming a teacher 
and a nun, and all my life I had been schooled and cautioned about sex. It 
was sinful and harmful, according to my parents, my teachers, and most of 
the associates and family members... and they were all willing to talk about 
it all the time. 

"Anyhow, my body kept wanting boys, but I was scared stiff inside. I 
remember that I started to play with myself a lot when I was about ten; 
Somehow, that didn't seem to be a sin, because all the instructions and 
warnings I had had involved boys and men, so as long as a man wasn't doing 
it to me it was all right, I thought. 

"I went to an all-girl school when I left grade school, and I began to learn 
a lot about sex, right from the beginning. That was about all everyone 
talked about or thought about, it seemed. Some of the girls claimed they had 
already been screwed but I think most of them lied. But I know one thing was 
the truth: they were all ripe to be had, though most of them were all talk. 
That's why so many of them were experimenting with lesbianism. My first 
taste of it came right off the bat. 

"Ella was sixteen and she was a real big wheel in school. She was smart, and 
she was shrewd. She would start a lot of things; then when they turned sour, 
Ella always had a patsy standing by to take the blame. And she was as sexy 
as hell, but not particular which sex she fooled with. She latched onto me 
right from the beginning, and I was too dumb to really think anything of the 
way she used to feel my breasts and run her hand over my stomach. She'd 
always pay me a nice compliment, and then she would kiss me on the cheek or 
nose, acting real casual about it all. I noticed the tingle that I got when 
she felt me, and even when she began to kiss me closer to the lips. I could 
feel her tongue, just flicking out a little, touching my skin, and it began 
to bother me a lot. I didn't know what to make of the strange feelings I 
had, but when I masturbated, I found myself seeing Ella's face and feeling 
her lips and hands on my body. 

"She made her move one day when we were showering after gym class. I had 
grown kind of used to having her touch my breasts and stomach, but this 
time, we were alone, the last ones in the shower-a big, open place that had 
about twelve shower heads, so a lot of girls could shower at the same time. 

"Ella waited deliberately, and she knew we would be alone in a few moments. 
She asked if I wanted my back washed and without waiting for an answer, she 
began to rub my back, using a washcloth with one hand and her bare hand to 
follow up. She knew all the right spots, because in less than a minute, I 
was tingling all over-especially in the pubic area. Ella kept on going, 
moving down my body, then moving to the front. She rubbed between my thighs, 
then my cunt, my breasts and stomach until, at the end, she was down on her 
knees in front of me. 

"I can still see the light in her eyes as she opened the lips of my pussy 
and began to lick it and stick her tongue in. The water was spraying down on 
her face, splashing off my body, and it was cool. The contrast between her 
hot tongue and the cool water really made me aware of what she was doing to 
me, and I couldn't help myself-I grabbed her by her wet hair and pulled her 
face tighter against my cunt. She sucked hard and nibbled my clit with her 
teeth, and before I knew what was happening, I felt a hot flash begin at my 
clit and spread over my whole body. It was almost as if I was getting an 
electric shock standing in water. 

"Ella was making sucking noises that were louder than the shower, and raking 
her fingernails over the cheeks of my ass and I was wriggling around like 
mad. When I came, she got off her knees and pulled me close and shoved her 
tongue down my throat, and it shocked me-it sounds strange, I suppose, but 
it shocked me when she kissed me like that, much more than when she had 
sucked my cunt ! I guess I realized for the first time that I was being 
seduced by a woman! All at once, I was afraid-not of being caught, but of 
the feelings that were going on inside me. I liked it, and I didn't want to 
admit it. I couldn't help myself. I just opened my mouth wider and sucked in 
her tongue and bit it a little, shoving mine into her mouth, just letting 
myself go. 

"Ella massaged my breast with one hand and with the other, she masturbated 
me. I was ramming my ass back and forth, ready to come again. Neither of us 
were even aware that the water was still showering down on us, but we moved 
away from under the shower head and almost as if I were in a trance, I found 
myself down on my knees in front of her. She spread her legs wide and bent 
her knees so I could get closer, and I spread the wet hair around her cunt 
and began to tickle the outer lips and the little knob inside with my 
tongue. The more she reacted, the hotter I got. I moved closer and grabbed 
her ass with both hands and pulled her open pussy to my mouth. I began to 
lick her knob, then nibble at it with my teeth-it was almost as if I'd done 
it a thousand times. At least, Ella was responding to it as if she had never 
enjoyed anything as much, and I felt her clit begin to bounce up and down as 
she started to come. It drove me almost wild, and I really began to bite and 
suck. She moaned and winced with the pain-pleasure I was giving, and 
finally, she stopped her movements and I felt her clit action die down to 
nothing. I came to, as if I'd been passed out, and I stayed there on my 
knees when Ella backed away. I didn't want to look at her face, and I didn't 
want to look into a mirror. I was ashamed. I knew that we weren't seen, but 
in my heart, I felt that God had seen, and I wanted to die. 

"All the teachings I'd ever had about the wickedness of sex seemed to be 
choking me. Right there on my knees, I threw up violently. I heaved until I 
thought my insides were coming out. Ella didn't do a thing. She just stood 
there with a strange look of disdain and triumph on her face, when I stole a 
glance at her. It was obvious that she felt no shame, and that she had 
little use for me because I did. 

"I suppose you wonder what all this has to do with anal intercourse, but 
you'll see later on that it really cornered me. I couldn't go the lesbian 
route, and I just couldn't shake all my teachings from the Church. You'll 
see. Anyhow, I just vomited my guts out there on the floor of the shower, 
and Ella just walked away. 

"I finally turned on the cold water arid stood there, sobering up, in a way, 
because I had been on a sex binge that had the same effect as if I'd drunk a 
gallon of booze. I even had a hangover. But the cold water on my skin 
finally drove the nausea away, but it couldn't wash away the feeling of 
dirtiness that was deep inside me. 

"Ella wouldn't leave me alone after that. She used our sex scene as 
blackmail, threatening to tell our Mother Superior, the Father that was in 
charge-even my parents. But she was cool about it-she just cornered me every 
day, somehow, somewhere... and all she would say was, 'When, baby?" 

"I had a lot of time to think about it, and the funny thing was that I 
didn't have any desire to masturbate, remembering her sucking me, and my 
sucking her. I guess I was a real mental case for a while, because I was 
torn between telling Ella I would meet her and going to the confessional and 
blabbing the whole thing to a priest. Unless you've been Catholic, you 
couldn't know what all this could do to you, but I was really ripped up 
inside. I admit, I liked what Ella had done, and I guess I wanted more, but 
the religious beliefs I had buried inside me were too strong. I felt I had 
sinned, and I didn't even know how to get on my knees and confess, or to go 
and tell it to anyone-most of all, a priest. 

"Ella kept after me to have another sex session alone somewhere. She said we 
could really relax and enjoy it so much more, and she kept inviting me to 
her house to spend the night. She said it would be easy, because she had 
girl friends over often, and nobody ever thought anything when they slept 
together. But I was still jittery inside, and I kept telling her I didn't 
want to do it anymore, ever. It was a lie, and she knew it, because she 
smiled knowingly and always said, 'If you change your mind, just let me 
know.' "Then I had my first date with a boy. We went to a party-a 
masquerade, and we played post office. We all had numbers and somebody went 
into the bedroom and called another person's number-the girls were even 
numbers and the boys odd. The boy I went with, Rick, was all hands and 
tongue, the first time we were together. He felt my breast with one hand and 
with the other, he ran it up under my skirt and inside my panties before I 
could stop him. When I started to tell him to stop it, he just shoved his 
tongue into my mouth and kept it there. 

"I began to zing all over when he slid his finger into my cunt and played 
with my clit. His fingers were kneading the nipple of my breast and I was 
turning on from head to toe. Before I realized it, I was squirming, rubbing 
my cunt into his hand, sucking his tongue deep into my mouth, and I could 
feel his cock bulging out against his pants. He started to take my panties 
down when I panicked again. I just couldn't do it. I wanted it badly but I 
was too scared of God punishing me. 

"I pushed him back and told him to stop it, that I couldn't do it. He got 
snotty and pushed me down on the bed. He snarled at me as he unzipped his 
fly and took out his cock. He held it in his hand, pointing at my face and 
said: 'You cock-teaser, you can't get a guy all hard like this and then not 
do anything about it. Suck it!' "I was shaking, partly from fright and 
partly from desire to be fucked-to feel that nice prick inside my hot, 
hungry pussy. But Rick's words suddenly gave me an idea. I would suck it, 
and he could suck my cunt. There weren't any rules about not doing that, at 
least that I had heard of. I sat up quickly and reached out and pulled him 
close. I took his hand off his cock and held the shaft of it in my hand, 
moving the loose skin back and forth, up and down, while Rick was so 
surprised he just stared down at me wide-eyed. I bent my head and took the 
head of it in my mouth, tickling it with my tongue. 

"Rick began to move it in and out, but I kept my hand on the shaft so he 
couldn't go too deep. But while he was pushing it in and out, he was also 
getting the friction from my hand on it, squeezing it, and in a minute or 
so, he surprised me and shot a load of hot, sticky juice into my mouth. I 
should have known that he was coming, by his faster pushing, but I was still 
naive about that sort of thing. I remember thinking with relief that at 
least I didn't have to worry about getting pregnant, because it had to be 
shot into my cunt to do that. 

"Rick handed me his handkerchief and I spit it all into it. He had a dazed, 
happy look on his face, and I laid back down on the bed and spread my legs 
wide. Take off my panties and suck mine,' I ordered. 

"He looked as if I'd slapped him. He roared at me, 'What do you think I am, 
a cunt-lapper? You got a lot of nerve, you lousy little cock-sucker!' "I 
came up like a jack-in-the-box, scratching and kicking at him, and he 
finally ran out of the room, zipping up his fly while I was beating on his 
back with my fists. I just followed him out, with everybody staring at us, 
and he kept right on running out the front door. I just stood there, aware 
of all the eyes on me, and the snickering going on, and I began to bawl. I 
grabbed my coat-I was dressed in a fairy-like costume, and it was thin, 
gauzy material-and I ran out. I was cold, but I was too upset to care. I 
think I ran all the way home, and went right to my room. My parents were out 
for the evening, too, and I just laid there and cried. I was so ashamed of 
myself. I had sucked a boy's cock, and I had made a fool of myself by asking 
him to suck my cunt. And all my friends laughed at me afterward. "I hadn't 
been so humiliated in my life, and I was so lonesome. I felt as if no one 
really cared about me. I went to the phone and called Ella. She was home, 
and I asked her if she could come over. I told her I was alone, and she got 
the message. She said she'd be over in ten minutes, that her dad would let 
her have the car. 

"I was nervous, waiting for her. I guess I knew that I wanted to have sex 
with her. I was still upset because of the way Rick had gotten me all worked 
up, then left me like that. I was a little fearful that Ella might just play 
a hard-to-get game, to get even with me for turning her down so often. I was 
in a real paranoid dither, and I was afraid of everyone hurting me again. 

"But Ella was as sweet as pie. She walked in and put her arms around me and 
kissed me on the mouth-a tender, nice kiss, with her tongue just flicking 
into my mouth a little. 

"It made everything all right for me, and I began to kiss her passionately, 
feeling her breast and her ass as I sucked her tongue deep into my mouth. 
Ella broke away and grinned. 'Wow! Are you ever ready!' she said. 'Let's not 
waste time.' "We went into my room and quickly undressed. I could hardly 
wait to have her pretty mouth close on my cunt, and I wanted to taste and 
smell hers, to nibble her clit and feel her body trembling under my 
lovemaking. 

"Ella knew how hot I was, and when I jumped onto my bed, she almost leaped 
after me. I spread my legs, wanting her to go right to my cunt with her 
kisses, but she turned around so that we were facing each other, upside 
down, and she moved her cunt close to my mouth as she bent and began to open 
my cunt lips with her fingers. Then her tongue snaked in, and set me afire. 
She began to run her fingers in deep while she nibbled and sucked on my 
clit, and I grabbed her ass cheeks and pulled her down on my face, my tongue 
and lips sucking, licking, hungry to taste her pussy and give it all the 
delights she was giving to mine. 

"I came three times in that position, and I think Ella came even more, and 
after that I was hooked good. I had begun to build up a fear and resentment 
of boys, and it showed plainly. I wasn't even decent to most of them, and 
before I knew it, most of them were calling me a 'queer.' Not to my face, 
but I overheard them a few times, referring to me as a 'cunt-loving queer.' 
"I tried not to let it bother me, but it did. I began to get extremely 
nervous. I didn't eat right and I got awfully thin. I began to keep to 
myself-I didn't even see Ella for a month, and I missed a lot of school and 
did poorly when I did attend. Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer. I 
went to confession and told the priest everything! 

"He was pretty disturbed, and he told me I had to do a lot of penance and 
that I should make a novena-that's a nine-day prayer and penitence thing-and 
ask God to help me conquer my sinful nature. I did, but it didn't change 
anything. I felt like a freak. I used to look at myself in the mirror and 
wonder what kind of freakish female I was, to love another girl, and to want 
her to make love to me. 

"I told my mother and father that I wanted to change schools, and they were 
so concerned about my weight loss and my withdrawn attitude, they agreed. I 
was sick and tired of girls. I hated them now almost as badly as I had hated 
boys. Of course I blamed myself, but I wanted to have a change of 
environment, so I went to a public high school." 

Maria may be quite typical in her motivations for sex with both girls and 
men. Psychiatrists have had a difficult time, until recently, in probing the 
religious hangups of their patients, but today's youth has largely moved 
away from the church and its precepts, and casebooks are filled now with the 
testimony of many men and women who suffered untold agonies of the spirit 
because their religious beliefs were in sharp conflict with their sex 
appetites. 

Most persons do not engage in exotic or deviate sex acts without strong 
inner compulsions. In Maria's case, she would have drifted into normal 
heterosexual relations had she not been inhibited by her fears of being 
"sinful." The sex drive is too powerful to be completely dammed, and most 
humans will go to any extreme to provide an outlet for it, just as our 
subject did. 

For centuries, submissive churchgoers were too frightened to revel, so 
deviate sex acts "went underground," so to speak. Today, however, part of 
the sexual revolution involves leading clergymen, including many priests and 
ministers, who advocate strongly that sexual freedom be granted to all. 

Maria was a dedicated young girl who had been steeped in church teachings, 
but she was also a healthy, normal girl, feeling the inner urges of 
womanhood tugging at the foundations of her beliefs. In the struggle, her 
own sex drives won out, but as we shall see as she continues her account, 
those beliefs were deep-rooted and continued to plague her, causing her to 
engage in what is considered by many to be abnormal sex. 

Today, we are seeing a phenomenon: more and more thousands of persons are 
practicing and preaching a policy that states: "Any act of love between two 
persons who care for each other, which is mutually pleasing, cannot be 
considered perverted or abnormal." This has been told to us for generations, 
but as individuals and as a nation, we have been mired in ignorance and 
superstition concerning sex. 

Maria was such a victim, and her story gives insight into the deep, 
troublesome problems faced by a great many persons, young and old. Let us 
pick up Maria's account as she enters a new environment as a further step 
toward organizing her sex desires and needs, so that she can become a 
normal, happy young woman. 

* * * 

"It made all the difference in the world. The boys still looked at me with 
bright, sexy looks, and now they didn't call me dirty names. Right away, 
they began to ask me out, and inside a week, I had settled on Joey-he was 
big and strong, with a homely face filled with freckles, but when he looked 
at me or touched me, I turned to butter inside. There was a sexy chemistry 
that we both felt working, and I knew that if I were going to lose my 
cherry, I wanted it to be to Joey. 

"He had his own car and on our first date we went to a movie. But we began 
to fool around, kissing and feeling, and we left and drove out to a lonely 
place and parked. I can't quite explain the way I felt. I was elated that I 
had 'kicked the lesbian habit,' so to speak, and I liked the things that 
Joey's kissing and feeling me up were doing to my body. I began to let him 
know right away that I wanted to be fucked. I played with his chest hairs 
and nipples, running my hand inside his shirt. Finally, when he began to 
tongue kiss me, and stick his hand under my blouse to play with my titties, 
I unzipped his pants and took his already hard cock in my hand and began to 
masturbate him. 

"He moved his hand from my breast and down to my thighs. He pulled my 
panties off and began to slide his finger in and out of my cunt, moving it 
faster and faster, running over my clit, while I increased the speed of my 
jerking him off. We were in an awkward position, trying to tongue kiss while 
we masturbated each other, and finally Joey pushed my hand away and took his 
out of my pussy. 'It's no good this way, honey,' he pleaded. 'I want to put 
it in you-I want to fuck you.' "Just the word turned me on even hotter than 
I was, and I nodded and began to take my panties off. Joey opened the car 
doors, both of them, and told me to lie down on the seat. My feet hung out a 
little, but it did give us room to move around. I pulled up my skirt and 
spread my legs wide and Joey climbed on top of me. I had heard some of the 
girls say how it had hurt the first time, and I was all tensed up, expecting 
pain. But I was so hot that I was all lubricated inside, and in a couple of 
thrusts Joey's prick was sliding into me easily, and I began to float on 
clouds, it was so delicious. His cock was long and round, and when he began 
to find the range and it rubbed against my clit with every thrust and 
withdrawal, I moaned with pleasure. 

"I was so happy that I was acting like a real girl. I was having sex with a 
boy. I felt clean, almost like I was doing an act of atonement for my other 
perversions. Of course I wasn't thinking like that right then. I was too 
intent on the pleasure that was flooding my whole body as Joey jabbed his 
cock in deep and hard, faster and faster, our mouths locked together as 
tightly as our bodies were. 

"I wasn't thinking of anything at all but sex, and how thrilling it was with 
a boy. I wasn't feeling guilty, and I wasn't worried about my conscience 
bothering me later. And I certainly wasn't worrying about getting pregnant. 
Joey kept mumbling through his kiss, 'You're wonderful, Maria-I love you, 
you're so wonderful.' I think it was my first taste of love-the feeling of 
belonging to someone completely and hearing them tell you they loved you, 
and I gushed love from every pore. 

"When I felt Joey's hot semen shoot inside of me, his cock jerking 
violently, I was in heaven. I had had one small come a moment before that, 
but now I just let go and really bucked and writhed, loving the feel of his 
cock inside me. I came in a burst of squeals, I just wanted to yell out to 
the world how much I loved Joey, and how much I loved sex! 

"Joey just kept on going, and he seemed to go even deeper inside my cunt, 
touching places that made me feel as if a hot poker were shoved inside me. I 
kept coming in a whole series, and when Joey came the second time, I was 
exhausted-but the happiest exhaustion I'd ever felt. 

"We stayed there a long time, just necking, talking about how wonderful we 
found each other. We talked about whether or not it was my first, and Joey 
told me that it was his. We were so carried away with our new love that I 
forgot to even clean myself out, or even urinate. 

"We dated steady after that, and at least twice a week we had sex. I wore 
his fraternity pin and everybody knew we belonged to each other exclusively. 

"Then I found out I was pregnant! I hadn't even worried about it. Somehow, 
it just seemed it couldn't happen to me-we were too lucky and happy to have 
anything spoil it. But I had missed my second menstruation in a row, and I 
just knew I was pregnant. I told Joey right away and he tried to find out 
from his friends if they knew a way I could get rid of the baby, with 
medicines or by an abortion. Neither of us came up with anything, and I 
began to worry myself sick. 

"I panicked and talked to one of the priests at the church, in confessional. 
I knew that he wouldn't be able to tell anyone-not even my mother or 
father-what he had heard there, and I needed his help. I guess when someone 
is as religious as I was as a child, when you get in a real jam, you 
automatically turn to the church. 

"The priest was really disturbed. I think he was more concerned about me 
trying to get rid of the baby than he was about my fucking. 

"He told me that he couldn't, under any conditions, help me to destroy a 
human life. My getting rid of it would be murder-a mortal sin that would 
condemn me to hell. I knew that I'd made a mistake in running to him, and I 
left, more scared than ever. To make a long, sad story short, Joey got the 
name of some old Negro woman who did abortions, and we went there. 

"She charged Joey a hundred dollars, but she got rid of the baby, and nobody 
was any wiser- except the priest. I knew he would never tell a soul, and I 
began to stay away from church deliberately. My conscience was really 
bothering me-not because of the way I was drawing away from church, or my 
screwing, but because I kept thinking about what the priest had said about 
murder. I had it on my mind for weeks, and I came to a decision-I promised 
myself that I would never have regular fucking until I was married. Oh, I 
wanted sex, but I already knew that I could have good orgasms by having my 
cunt sucked, and I often came good when Joey just finger-fucked me. 

"I would never again destroy a human life. I know that there are lots of 
arguments both ways about whether a fetus is a human life, but I knew that I 
couldn't do that again, ever. 

"All this leads up to my learning to like anal intercourse. It never was as 
good for me as straight fucking, of course, but after I once got used to the 
idea, and worked it out, it wasn't bad at all. 

"Joey was cold for a time after I got rid of the baby, but we still caused 
the sparks to fly between us when we got close to each other, and gradually 
we began to go out again a lot. The first couple of times, we didn't even do 
anything except a lot of heavy petting and feeling, but we did talk it out. 
I told Joey flat out that I would suck him off, or masturbate him, and that 
was all I would let him do to me-and that had to be it. 

"He begged me to let him use a rubber, but I had heard that they sometimes 
broke, and I was taking absolutely no chances on ever getting pregnant 
again. I know it was tough on Joey, because he didn't particularly like me 
to suck him off. He said he felt guilty-as if he were making me do something 
'unnatural'-that's the word he used. He also had some silly notion that a 
guy who liked to be sucked off often was almost a homosexual. I never could 
convince him that he was being silly, but I do know that he felt funny about 
my sucking his cock until he came in my mouth. 

"We did it my way for a few weeks, and then one night when we were at his 
house and his folks were out, we took a shower together and fooled around a 
lot, until we were both ready to pop our corks, we needed sex so badly. Joey 
had soaped me all over, while I was rubbing his cock with soapsuds, 
masturbating him and getting him frantic. 

"All at once, he grabbed me and began to hold me against the shower wall 
while he tried to shove his cock into my cunt. I got so mad I hit him in the 
face with my fist, and cut his lip. He was so hurt and amazed, I wanted to 
cry while I let him dry me off. 

"I told him I was sorry, and that I had just lost my head, remembering that 
abortionist and all the worry and heartaches I had then, and had had since, 
knowing that I had destroyed our child. Joey was trying hard to understand, 
but I had hurt his manhood, he felt, by rejecting him that violently. 

"He said, 'Honey, I have to have you sometimes. I just have to. It's not the 
same when you suck me off-it's not as good.' We were lying on his bed, 
naked, and he was playing with my breasts and my pussy, and I felt as if I 
almost would let him shove it in my cunt, but I just couldn't. Then he was 
saying, 'Maria, honey... would you let me... put it up your ass?' "He just 
blurted it out, blushing and not meeting my eyes. I don't know why, but I 
wanted to laugh. It had never dawned on me that a man could put his cock in 
a woman's asshole and come as good-some said better-than by using her cunt. 
I didn't know about male homosexuals then, because I'd never given much 
thought to the ways they can make love. I just assumed that they sucked each 
other's cocks and that was it. 

"I really did love Joey, and if he wanted to try it that way, and it was 
good for him, I didn't see what harm it would do. When he played around with 
my asshole while we were getting warmed up or actually fucking, it had been 
a pleasurable thing that added to my desire and eiyoyment, so I figured it 
would be good for me, too. 

"I raised his face and looked into his eyes and told him that I wanted 
whatever he wanted, except regular fucking, and that I'd try ass-fucking if 
he wanted to. He already had a good hard on, and he went into his mother's 
room and came back with some cold cream. He smeared some all over his cock 
and around my asshole, shov- ing his finger up and greasing it inside. 

"Then he had me get up on my hands and knees and he crawled up between my 
legs, his cock in his hand, and he began to squeeze it in. First, the head 
of it went in, and it didn't feel too bad-not much different from his 
finger- but it did hurt a little when he began to plunge it in deeper. I 
gasped a little, and he said he would stop if I didn't like it, or if it was 
hurting too much. But I told him to go ahead, that it wasn't that bad. 

"He bent over me after he got it sliding in and out more easily, as the cold 
cream spread deeper into my asshole, and he began to massage my clit with 
his fingers. It made it a lot nicer for me, because I could concentrate on 
my own feelings and I knew I could come that way. 

"Joey was talking into my ear, mumbling and groaning with pleasure, saying 
over and over how good it was, and how he loved me so for letting him do it 
that way. By the time he was coming, I told him to work faster on my clit, 
and he did, rubbing it hard and fast and a few seconds after I felt his 
juice spurting into my asshole, I came also. It was good. It's hard to 
describe, but part of my enjoyment came from knowing that I was pleasing my 
Joey, and that I was also 'safe' doing it that way. And I still had sex 
thrills from it. Altogether, it was a real answer for both of us. 

"We went together for a year, and we had sex about twice a week, and 
gradually, I noticed that Joey almost never wanted me to suck him off or 
masturbate him. He would be real will- j ing to do that for me, but for his 
choice it was always ass-fucking. I began to notice a change in him--just a 
gradual falling off of any real lovemaking, without any sweet talk before or 
i after. It got to be like a routine we went through-meet, see a movie, have 
a hamburger and then ass-fuck. 

"I didn't want to lose Joey, because I loved him, so I was afraid to bring 
up the subject. Once, when we were having a fight, he snarled, 'If you'd use 
your cunt like a regular woman, we wouldn't have to do it that way all the 
time. I just don't want my girl sucking my prick!' "It hurt to have him say 
things like that, inferring that I wasn't a 'real woman.' I was almost 
tempted to show him that I was, and let him fuck me in the cunt, but I just 
couldn't. 

"We began to cool toward each other, and finally we broke up. We didn't 
fight or anything nasty-just sort of drifted away from each other. 

"I was lonely, and I didn't want to date anyone else for a long time. I 
missed sex, and I began to realize that a lot of my feelings for Joey were 
tied up with sex sessions, and that in a deep, real sense, I didn't love 
him. Deep in my heart, I know that I sort of resented his part in the 
abortion. All he had to pay was some money, but I had to go on paying all my 
life with the remembrance that I had killed my own child. 

"I began to go out with a lot of different boys, but even though I wanted 
sex with some of them, I didn't know how to go about telling them that I 
would only suck their cock or let them have me in the ass. So, I played the 
prude for a while. Most of the boys dropped me after one or two dates when I 
didn't put out, and I began to get the reputation of being a cock-teaser-a 
girl who leads a guy on, lets him feel and fool, but not fuck. 

"I masturbated a lot, but it wasn't the same. I even tried using different 
objects-a sawed-off broomstick, a Polish sausage, candles-and some of them 
gave me a new and different feeling, but none of them were any good, not 
like having a real cock inside me. 

"I hit a low spot and began going back to church more often, but that bored 
me now. I didn't get any good, warm feeling from it, like I used to. 

"After I graduated from high school, I wanted to go to college-but away from 
my home town. I was actually bored with every part of my life, and I thought 
that it would be good for me to have a complete change of friends and 
environment. 

"I went to New York City, and on a wild hunch, I took a room in Greenwich 
Village. I wasn't a hippie, but they all seemed so free from care, so free 
in their loving and living, I decided I wanted to have a close look at 
least. The rooming house I lived at was loaded with swingers, and right from 
the first night, I knew that I had made a right decision in coming there. 

"There was a party going on every night somewhere in the place, pot parties, 
booze parties, sex parties-they never seemed to end. When I was invited to 
one of the boys' rooms for a swinging session, I expected it would be pretty 
sexy, and it was. But it was a lot freer than I had thought it would be. A 
couple would chat or neck, then the first thing you knew, they would be over 
in a corner on the floor, or on the couch, fucking and sucking like they 
were all alone. Half of the bunch didn't even pay any attention to the 
screwing couples. 

"I liked one blond man there, and when he began to talk to me, then casually 
began to feel me up, I decided to get with it and go as far as I could. If 
he liked it, fine, if not-he could go fuck himself. When he asked me to go 
to bed with him, I didn't know he meant right there in front of everyone. I 
wasn't quite that much of a swinger, and I told him so. He just laughed and 
got up and took my hand, saying, 'My place or yours, Maria?' "I went to his 
room and I decided that I'd come right out with it. I told him I would go 
two ways-ass-fucking or I would suck him off and he could suck my pussy. He 
didn't bat an eye. He just shrugged and said, 'Whatever your bag is, baby, 
it's fine with me.' "We started out by 'sixty-nining'-I sucked his cock 
while he sucked my pussy, and when we had come that way, I told him I didn't 
mind if he wanted to fuck me in the ass. I even told him how to position 
himself so he could finger my cunt at the same time he was fucking me in the 
ass. 

"Marty took everything in stride. He was a gentle sort of guy, and after he 
had come in my asshole, and I had a pretty good orgasm from his masturbating 
me, he poured us some wine and we laid there on his bed and talked. He was 
intelligent, but not overbearing about it. I liked him. It felt good to have 
a man lying beside me, talking to me as if I were an adult, and not just a 
sexy teenager he had made out with. 

"After we warmed up to each other, Marty asked me why I didn't go for the 
regular cock-cunt fucking. Maybe the wine was getting to me, or maybe I just 
needed to pour it out to a sympathetic ear, but anyhow, I told him all about 
Joey, killing the baby, the whole thing. I told him I had vowed that I'd 
never again chance pregnancy, because I couldn't kill again. 

"He didn't laugh at me. He was real serious. He looked deep into my eyes and 
held my hand when he asked me: 'You're still pretty religious, way down 
deep, aren't you?' "I had to stop and think about that, and fi- nally, I 
said that I was, and I guessed I always would be. 

" 'Then you can't use any contraceptives-rubbers or the pill-in good 
conscience, can you?' he asked. 

"I said I couldn't, because the Church had taught that that was sinful, 
also. 

"He smiled broadly and freshened our drink. When he sat down beside me he 
said, 'I'm surprised that a good Catholic like you hasn't tried the one 
contraceptive the church allows. Man, you just haven't got "rhythm"!' "At 
first, I didn't catch on, so Marty explained, 'The rhythm cycle, baby, the 
rhythm method.' I vaguely remembered hearing it mentioned, but I had never 
been curious enough to find out what it was. Marty explained it to me, how a 
woman learns, by studying a menstruation chart, what days of the month she 
cannot conceive. It's a method practiced by many Catholics, and it is 
approved by the Church because no artificial contraceptives are used to 
prevent conception. 

"I asked Marty more about it, but that was all he could tell me. He 
suggested that any good doctor could help me with it, and he said he thought 
it would be a good idea for me, because then I could enjoy all-round sex, 
any way at all-at least on some days of each month. 

"I went to a doctor next day, I was that excited about the prospect. We 
worked out a ached- ule, but he made it plain that it was not a foolproof 
method. In fact, he pointed out many cases that he knew of personally where 
it had failed. But I told him that I would be extremely careful, allowing 
myself plenty of 'cushion' on either side of the 'safe' days. 

"I had become very fond of Marty. It was a relationship that had an ease 
about it that, might have existed if I had had an older brother; yet, there 
was a strong physical attraction. So I was able to talk plainly to him and 
use him as a sort of 'guinea pig' in trying out the rhythm method. 

"I admit, I was pretty jittery the first three or four months, remembering 
the doctor's warning, but it was a lot easier with Marty helping. I was 
amazed at how gentle he was when it came time to have our first real fuck. 
He even talked to me about it, saying that it might be almost as if I were a 
virgin and were having my first intercourse. It had been a long time, and I 
didn't realize how much I had missed regular fucking, until we were both 
naked an'd I felt Marty's hands and lips caressing my thighs and my breasts; 
then his tongue went into my slit and he found the clit and began to exert 
pressure on it with his tongue and teeth. 

"He built me up very slowly, until I was well lubricated and emotionally 
ready. Instead of a lot of love talk, Marty kept building my confidence by 
telling me that it would work, and that there was nothing to worry about. At 
the end of the love play, I was as relaxed as a wet rag, and when Marty took 
a position beside me, so that his weight was off me, with my one leg raised 
up, his cock slid into my cunt with ease. It was a new angle for me, and his 
penis head touched the side and inner walls of my cunt where they had never 
been stimulated before. 

"It was as if it were my first time, in a sense, because Marty was so 
skilled. He held my ass cheek with one hand and gradually went deeper, 
increasing the thrusting of his prick, touching deep spots inside my cunt 
that brought thrills to me I hadn't known before. 

"I knew without his telling me when he was ready to ejaculate, but he asked 
me if I were ready, and when I clung to him and kissed him, he really put 
the pressure on my clitoris, never losing contact, until I felt as if I were 
on a roller coaster car, approaching the top of the biggest drop. When I 
came, it was with that same chilling feeling that comes to you when you 
crest the top and feel as if, for one split second, you are going to sail 
off into space. 

"It was glorious. I felt as if I had become a complete person-a full woman. 
I had more peace of mind than I'd had for a long time. 

"Marty was a wonderful lover. We lived together for two years, and with the 
variety of sexual positions we now had available, it was like one long 
honeymoon. It was so good, in fact, that even though we had other sex 
partners at first, later on we settled down to just having sex with one 
another. There were no rules, we just automatically did it. I asked Marty 
why, one time when we were fucking, and he thought about it for a time 
before answering. He thought I wanted him to say he loved me, but I was 
really curious. I didn't think I was in love with him-not enough to want to 
marry him, but I was completely happy with him as a lover. 

"He finally told me that he wanted me because I was a near-perfect lover. He 
was frank, telling me that because I had worked so carefully on all the 
phases of lovemaking, I had become very expert. He said he had never had a 
girl who pleased him so much in bed. Of course it made me feel elated, and 
we talked very frankly about why certain techniques pleased him. For 
instance, he explained how the muscles and structure of the anus made it 
possible for the prick to be gripped more tightly, and how anal intercourse 
gave the man almost total friction as he thrust his cock in and out of the 
anal canal. 

"Marty finished college and returned to his home in Indiana, and I felt 
awfully alone for a long time. But there was no brooding or fear. I felt 
secure within myself, and I settled down and graduated with honors. I kept 
my eyes and senses alert, looking for the right man. I was ready to settle 
down to at least going steady, because it had been so wonderful with Marty. 
In the back of my mind, I was really preparing myself for marriage. I 
adapted to the free and easy living style of the so-called hippies, but in 
my heart, I really wanted the old-fashioned things-a home, a good man, 
kids-a purpose in life. 

"I took a job with an advertising agency, and inside a year I started going 
with Robert, my husband. He was divorced, with no children, and he was 
Jewish, but when I finally fell in love, none of that mattered. Besides, I 
had drifted away from the Church and it was easy to renounce my religion. A 
lot of the things I was taught went too deep to be uprooted-like the feeling 
I still have about abortions. But Bob was so understanding and kind; he 
accepted me exactly as I am. I know now that I owe a lot to Marty. And I 
also realize that he and Bob are of the same type-good men. 

"I've never cheated on Bob. I have no reason to. I am perfectly happy, 
especially with my sex life. Bob and I engage in whatever kind of sex 
pleases us. About the anal intercourse-he thinks it is a great change of 
pace, and he enjoys it, but he likes to mix up oral and anal with regular 
intercourse in different positions. 

"I still can't take the pill-it just would build up a wall inside me. I 
can't help the way I feel about contraceptives and abortions, but it 
actually makes my sex life more exciting. Bob says the same thing. In many 
ways, anal intercourse was the means of my sexual and emotional salvation. I 
see nothing wrong in any kind of sex that is pleasing to both partners, and 
I hope that my telling my experience might open other women's eyes to the 
possibilities of what I like to call total sexuality.' " We have seen, in 
Maria's case history, that the practice of anal intercourse contributed 
highly to her ultimately happy marriage. It is significant that she made the 
point that she is totally faithful to her marriage vows, because she has 
everything in her sex life with her husband that she ever wanted or will 
want. 

She makes no claims to any "miraculous cleansing" of her hangups about the 
use of contraceptives, but she has learned to weigh them in the cold light 
of reason and to decide for herself which are good for her, and which not. 

CONCLUSION 

We have seen through these case histories that "total sexuality" is the goal 
of more and more persons today. To achieve this, for most of us, there must 
be a "house cleaning" job to rid ourselves of stifling superstitions and 
"old We have been concerned in this book with anal intercourse, and the 
reasons why some women enjoy it, others merely tolerate it, and still others 
turn to it in desperation. In a much-enlightened era, we are discovering 
that anal intercourse has always been practiced, but in secret, and today 
more persons are willing to speak frankly about their sex habits and to 
advocate total sex freedom for themselves and their offspring. 

Sexologists and doctors are in agreement that anal intercourse does provide 
a very stimulating and harmless form of sex diversion, providing that it 
does not replace all the other positions and techniques, and when it is not 
accompanied by any hangups concerning homosexuality, sinfulness, or 
perversion. 

It has been a contributing factor in making many marriages happier, when 
truth prevails between the partners, and both desire it. Any sex act that is 
shared and that pleases both partners can be considered a blessing, for it 
cements the relationship to give and take enjoyment from the marriage 
partner's sexual offerings. 

"Truth in bed" might well be the motto of most psychologists and doctors 
today. We have explored the desires and motivating emotions of a few persons 
who, though they may not be typical, have provided a clear look at some of 
the reasons why anal intercourse is engaged in by more and more couples. 

In the final analysis, it must be an individual matter, left to each couple 
to decide. The available data concerning anal intercourse, such as the case 
histories we have explored, tend to show that more and more married couples 
are employing this form of intercourse successfully, and that it will one 
day be completely accepted by married couples as part of a normal, healthy 
and full expression of their love. 


THE END
